A Red String

We may tend to put the blame on other matters that influence us to make a decision but ultimately, it rests upon us. So many people walk around tragically saying that they can't make the changes yet it truth, they can but won't. 

Could have, would have, should have

These 3 phrases are like the worst to say. I think back sometimes and reflect but I know that I can't turn back the hands of time as what has been done, is done. We do have time and it's kind of scary to know that there are realities that makes time even longer. 

Tesseract 

Once, a long while back, I felt like I was in a tesseract which is a warp in time. It started by my doing something that I didn't plan and from that point in time until it was over then I proceed to go forward along the path that I knew was mine.

Was I forced to make a decision? Yes. 

Was my decision correct? Yes, it seemed right, all factors said so. 

Was I happy? In the warp, yes. 

Did it change my life drastically? Yes. 

Did I lose anything because of my decision? Yes. 

Reincarnation 

My head hurts from the sweltering heat that makes standing still an effort. My heart has stopped. My mind has taken over and I read and study, seeking the answer I already know, that my soul knows, I cannot be free of the knowing. And you know what the scariest part is? Unfinished business doesn't get another lifetime to cycle, it's happening now and I don't have to die for the things to repeat, for another chance. 

Does this sound too vague? Is it too coincidental for the same scene to happen twice? That the same kind of longing and yearning will be there? That even the same kind of wall will be placed? Not a deja vu, as I had those before but a repeat of the essence and though the circumstances has changed, making it now possible for me to make a decision. 

The scene. Rinse. repeat. 

We laughed the night away. I saw the twinkle in his eyes, how he stare at me when he thought I wasn't looking. It was beyond the stage of sitting in front of  each other at the table, talking the time away. I fell into his arms, we kissed, and he wiped my tears away, saying, "I can't."

During the first time, the sad thing was, I could not also but I did do what I could to be free. I had waited for him to be free and all those years, he cared for me and maybe he couldn't return because I was no longer free as I couldn't wait not knowing as things were unclear except for the knowing that I belong with him. Too awful for me, not once but twice  in a lifetime and it's the same soul that I see in the eyes. Yet, I think now after studying for days, if it is mine, it is mine until the end of time, right?  

Now comes the troubled part. You would think that all would be plain sailing yet other factors are involved. More than factors, people, dragging it down, tearing it apart, a grounded reality. To move, I made a break from the most obvious hindrance to my freedom but what I never expected is that another soul, the one that I had freed myself from, would come back.  It flusters me as it was like he was beckoned during a conversation about him and as I stared down thinking how he was dead, I never expected that he might appear again, My heart suddenly starts beating faster as I know that passion, I know that call, and my heart is being torn so I hold on to see things through because if it is really him that I left, he had vowed to haunt all the others.

Oh, why do these things happen to me? Argh! Is having my third eye open a flaw? Is being so esoteric once coming back now? Take a deep breath, focus, and know. 

I am still here. 

The same kind of battle is about to be fought again only this time, I am free to make my decision and it will be in accordance to what I do and do not do. And my decision is not to decide for now as many words have been left unspoken, many things are yet to happen, yet there is that red string of which to hold onto. 

I am ready. 

It's not a game, it's real life and I have this chance not to mess it up. I got ready by fixing what to wear, loading my gun - oops, nope, that was a joke! I am ready and the first thing is control. Yup, not to take control but to be in control. The next step is to wait for the events to happen, now that is a hassle because I am so impatient! I will listen and wait for the move, the acknowledgement, the confirmation to know which soul the red string of fate of my soul is attached to. 

Go with the flow. Destiny. Fate. 
That invisible cord, that the red thread that dictates.

The way we makes decisions in our lives vary. Some are based on logic, some are based on doing what is acceptable by society, some are based on what our heart says, and there is that which we have to make which is based on the red string of fate.