Clearing the Cobwebs

A quiet Friday, starting the morning with my dog sitting on my lap as we linger outside the house. The sun shone hard and it felt just right. Focusing efforts on right-minded tasks to clear the cobwebs of my mind. Time went by slowly, no rush, relaxed, and then off to a long, nice nap. I rose, and my newest pet turned on her back for her tummy rub - and I smile - to cradle her in my arms to look at the moon and stars later. 

Rejuvenating

Feeling drained from yesterday as what I got was mixed signals, though work was pushing forward, the feeling was that to run away rather than deal with the mess I created. The harsh words, the silence then my wondering why in heaven's name do I still try, swallowing my pride, staying and waiting for a sign. A startled rush to move, a turned back, no laughter, just the voice of controlled anger and to my dismay, a gift discarded and then... for less than a minute, those smoldering eyes that was filled with what? That look confused me more, as what was said isn't there and oh goodness, how to no longer beseech and hence the cobwebs in my mind, entrapping my thoughts, going to my heart to hold it like in a spider's web. 

It's a pain game in a rather narcissistic manner and one that might be filled with regret. No longer trying to figure things out, leaving to say goodbye is my best bet. There is no hope in words that hurt repeatedly saying "nay" and as life is filled with enough aches, this day has been golden to get rid of the cobwebs. The long walk before the sun sets never fails to work to give me the stillness. The sadness still remains as to go is the choice given as what will hold me, what is there to hold on to? A momentary glimpse of what is there may should not be enough to go by, says my mind, disagreeing with my heart, and when that happens, I am not happy, so I follow my mind. 

Clearing the Cobwebs

Falling asleep, refreshed, considering the series of events to be that like the last boxing match watched, throwing in the towel for a settlement that is to be lost anyway. Limits. Rats. It still doesn't make sense though no need to lose sleep and pine away because I love my life without tears falling. Clearing the cobwebs that bind me to make good what I have done and not betray my heart and my mind that have agreed is difficult. 

To remember the look, it's just a look and there is nothing there as stated. I turn and see a man who want to breathe the scent of a woman then drift off to sleep, got followed to be checked on by another, inquisitive of all that I was doing, cajoling my way to establish more work, crossed over to be welcomed with warm smiles, to return to a back turned, then returned home. Life is best with acceptance. With a glass of cold cappuccino and the knowing that whatever fate has in store for me is going to happen, anyway, I shut down, refusing to be included in that jar of hearts of a broken collection, for my sake, though all is forgiven.