Missing Life

In a world that we can create, we are not hampered by the circumstances. It is what we do to make the changes that we want in our life, it's what we do to achieve what our goals are, and what we do to make each day filled with love and life instead of the kind that passes by as we mop the floors. 

Today, May 25. Waking up in the middle of the night after having crashed early is going to make a mess of my plans. It's going to be another awfully hot day later. Not looking forward to doing any chores, I had zipped and done stuff earlier so there is more time to work when I wake up but now, at 1:30 am, I am awake and thinking doesn't get to achieve things, proactive solutions are required. But it's going to be so hot and life will pass me by if I spend an extra minute mopping floors and be at other people's beck and call. I have to step out because being online for too long, the changes has to be made. Resources are online for now yet that's because this is what I have established. Doesn't mean that resources aren't out there, will just have to find those. 

I can still almost hear my Dad's voice. After over a year of his passing away, he still pulls through for us. "Thanks, Dad.", I sometimes think, "For leaving me everything." All include the problems which aren't small at all and there are times that I should push harder to find the investors, get the capital, make the business plans - and I don't because of the struggle which I don't believe in because if the path is easy, that's the one that I will choose as it is open and I see the goal. The daily grind wears me down as another bird has flown from my nest from the nastiness that abounds, the hurtful words, the selfishness and doing what I must and only that, as I don't have to live with that, too. 

Traumatized by the past as alarm bells rang clear last week when a level of abuse was being attempted to be inflicted of someone that I love, seeing red, remembering why I had left that last long relationship. No court of law may do what the person deserves so the wringing begins to end pride and power that creepy people have derived from their ghoulish ways. Not by talk and yapping away as the enemy does with all their lies, making themselves appear spotless and me as a frantic nut case and inform the network that has been establish to cut off relations so no income and friendship would come from any of us, only silence. Leave them grasping at straws until the end of their lonely lives. 

Anger for me is a good thing only when directed properly. People dance through life with their words and noting that there is no value placed in what my needs are instead the direction is for what they want in their life, no sycn, short end of the stick, People do listen and move based on the truth.  

Going to where I am wanted provides solace that includes being needed and laughter. As for friendship is filled with moments to live, no judgement call, just acceptance, no need to act in a certain way for the decorum that society dictates with a proverbial frown on her face, letting my hair down is a form of escape to not be missing life, not being made to wait for a promise that has never been spoken as if I was a mind reader, though thinking back, ah, maybe I should smile and stay though I am loving the impulsive times with friends to go to hang out in one place and then another and escalating the bond so friendship gets stronger as the story continues with the cool, laid back attitude of the cool mountains so it's good to hang around, linger, share and come back. 

It's desert storm time. What do you want in life? Missing life and all that it has to offer won't happen if you take it, take the steps to get it, own the day to get rid of the mediocrity. My back slightly aches from the mundane, repetitive tasks, robot-like in nature and I will have not part of that, finishing what must be done and to live today, going back to sleep to meet the challenges along with the heat, making life happen and not waiting as it makes no sense at all to have regrets. Makes me think that I may not be lucky in love though my love is lucky. I now will go back to sleep knowing that the changes will happen and dream to change the story ending (spoiler alert!) of the movie, "Same Time Next Year" as in the end, she never was able to go back to be with him again though the stolen moments was enough. I so love to hate this movie yet so love the song.