A Lazy Sunday Afternoon

Storms always end. When the waters are calm, it is time to prepare for the next storm. As the captain of a ship, when other ships travel in the same direction as yours does or are those that cross your path, you must not change direction, keep on following the map, to get to where you are going or you'll end up in unknown shores. 

A Lazy Sunday Afternoon

It was a lazy Sunday afternoon. He lied down beside her in bed. She complained of a headache. He said, "Take your meds." She stood up and walked to get them, slipped and hit the temple of her head at the corner of the table. Stunned, he carried her in his arms and rushed her to the hospital and waited outside the emergency room. Up to this day, the memory of the doctor opening the door and shaking his forefinger to the left and right to say more loudly than words that she is gone forever is the image that has stuck to his head.

He poured over the photographs of the times they had to together, and saw that she had wrote at the back of many of these. He read one that said, "You're so corny!" and another one that said, "You're so handsome." He couldn't believe what happened, such a shocking accident and the thought that is repeating in his head must be, "Should I have stood up?" as they lie in the same bed.

Decades has past and the altar has been made for the love that has been lost forever, and until his dying day the memory of how he did not stand up might still remain until he forgives himself for not noticing how badly she was feeling, she, who adored the ground that he walked on, gave him a family, and lied by his side until the day she died. Did he fail her? In his mind, yes, and holds a candle up for her as he sits out the rest of his life.

Another Lazy Sunday Afternoon

It was remission time for her, her beauty had been lost. She felt like a burden, lost because she had left her husband for him, lost because she had left her children for him, lost as she knew she was losing her life as the pain was returning. He lied down on the bed to take his usual nap and she stood up at the side of the bed, asking if he loved her.

He answered curtly, "Of course, I take care of you and have been with you for years through all of this. Even with all your problems, I have stuck by your side." He stared at her aghast at her question and wondered why she wondered if he loved her. When he woke up from his nap, she was nearly gone as she had tried killed herself. He brought her to the hospital and then the doctor said, she could live would be a vegetable, and the decision was made to unplug, as she had been ill for years and that was not life, it was just to be be breathing. He constantly brings flowers to her grave and has erased all the memories, hidden all the photographs, to start anew. The hurt remain, he takes the blame for not having answered with a simple, "I love you." and wonders why she had tried to take her life. He has moved on.

One More Lazy Sunday Afternoon

"I'm done with all my obligations to my family. This is my time, I have spent most of my life with them, and I want to be happy." I stared at him and listened, as he poured his determination out, as he said statement after statement. "This is for me. I want it for me. They don't need me, they don't want me, I feel strangled and it's just an obligation and I am changing my life." And, I answered him, "But they are your family!"

And so he did what he wanted to do as I watched him, strong, angry, determined to build his freedom to be with the one who he loves and surround himself with his friends that allow him not to live a life that is a lie. He introduces her to me, and we get drink and laugh as he moves mountains for her to set up a place for him to make her his 'slave'.

"I can't sleep alone at nights!" he laughingly says, "As I want to have sex every night!" and we get drunk again and again as his 'slave' has run away. So he goes and find others to fill the empty space on his bed as she calls him and he refuses to answer. "Did she call you?" he asked me, "I told you not answer her!" but I did and told him so that she needs someone to talk to and reminded him that he is my friend even if I didn't listen to him.

He got her back and locked her up in his place so he won't lose her. We don't get drunk that anymore as he has to go, for he refuses to have dinner until she cooks for him and can't ever sleep alone. He is roaring, hanging on to the people he wants in his caveman way, and slamming everyone else to protect them, as he smiles at me, both of us knowing that he has a life.

My Lazy Sunday Afternoon

Taking life in stride, I awake at dawn, unusual for me but it's been happening for a while. Seizing the day, I rush the mediocre chores, doing all that I had to so I have time to do what I must and what I want to. Jaded, I watch a man throw a fight as the money was to be used for power as it was needed to help people who need funding for education, hospitalization, and a better life, to stop chasing the glory and getting the priorities right, Robin Hoods, hoodlums, covered with their heart in the right place.

As I leisure away my Sunday afternoon with a few friends, wondering what am I to do next - I listen to stories of regret and one of hate and hurt the point that is is deemed necessary to pray for another person to die for her to take revenge and I look at a lonely woman who thinks only of her needs instead of what she wants in this life and what others may want, and my mind drifts, wanting to stay but not needing to as my other friends who were waiting always can wait as we are never in a hurry. 

Food has been tasteless for days as I forced myself to eat, thinking of my Mom who is pining away as Dad left her and his dying was not a good enough reason to do so. Acceptance is difficult. I have a life, mine to make, mine to own and to seize the day, and yet as I look around me, I see things not meant to be...

Life is not a game that one must throw in nor hold on to if it isn't worth living and loving daily, to embrace life and the beauty that is there, giving it all to seize the day. This moment, right now, is my life. My youngest daughter had asked me last week, "What are your plans, Mom?" and I said, "I plan to be always happy." and that's all I have, just today, to live my life without regret.