Know what is important or time wasting - and then do what you need to and what you want to do. The more you do, the more you love is like taking care of a baby who can't do anything. Yet, as that baby grows up, it can be a spoiled child and the demands on your time and effort is too much.
When my Dad was ill, we had to take care of him for years. He wasn't demanding except in the late stages of his life. Dad was hesitant to ask for anything as a rule.
"Iha, what are you cooking? I smell nilaga."
"The meat is not soft yet, Dad."
Dad never opened the refrigerator, poured out his own drink unless while he was at the table, he was always served like my youngest brother when he was studying medicine. The house rule was that Dad's efforts are to be saved to make money and with my brother, his hands are meant to save lives so he can't wash plates.
Now that Dad is gone, I have more time on my hands and I do what I want - and I miss my Dad and his jokes like when my daughter, Sarah, showed him her ID picture and he said that now we have one to use for missing persons because Sarah is often out. Just a couple of years ago, when I would be out, I would get a "WRU" text from Dad. The rule was to reply, fast, because if he waits, he will call!
Dad was never a spoiled brat but we spoiled him especially in the last years of his life because he gave us everything and would only go out to work, do things to make money and then spend time with the family. His happiest times were when we are together and there was Goldilocks mocha cake which he wanted to be the cake even if it isn't his birthday.
Saying No to Save Myself
There comes a point in time when I no longer see the need for me to do things for a lot of people. I say "no" in the best possible manner as I do have a life, things I want to do, things that I love to do. Training others to make do without me is good for them as it is good for me. Taking care of my Dad until he died was, for me and my daughters, not an obligation but what we wanted to do.
I was a spoiled brat for a long time. One of the reasons why is that I was rewarded for bad behavior? My kids don't get any leash from me when they are doing wrong as I don't want them to be lazy. I do understand that not all of them will perform in the same manner and that they have their flaws - point it out and don't nag, as I am tired of talking and hearing myself say the same thing over and over.
Saying "no" to save myself the trouble gives me time and think, if I give an extra one minute to all of those who want me to do something for them, I will never have time to do anything.
Time Worth Giving
Life is too short. We take up a lot of time sleeping, eating, grooming, taking care of our duties, and then when all is said and done, we do want to be appreciated which doesn't always happen. Not everyone wants the same thing as we do and so we must separate ourselves from the unnecessary and hurtful so we do have a beautiful, simple life. We must live today like it was the last day of our lives. Take a moment to think how and with whom you want to spend the last day of your life.
To love someone means to do more, yes, as we can nurture things, and as fate would have it, to do more sometimes isn't possible yet time is still worth giving just in case it could be possible - if not, it is time to let go or to decide to stay on - as every single decision that we make now will pave the way for our happiness, in all that we do, all that we are as it's our time in a world that we can create. Sadness isn't there when we live and love, today. Sure, there is that pain that we can inflict on others when we turn them away like what I did yesterday by saying to an old flame that I can't see or speak with you anymore because I am seeing someone but then these things have to be done as I am not taking any chances in losing what makes me happy as before we can love someone fully, we have to love ourselves.
Related posts:
Life is Not Measured by Days But by Special Moments that Take Our Breath Away
To Do More Is What Is Asked For
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