Wrong to Be Real ?

As being true to oneself doesn't really work for many others who have difficulty accepting that people can be true, the transformation happens to meet the faces that we meet.

As much as all the trappings of society are totally like the banking system that makes money on your money and controls it and the safety it provides it tantamount to the greed it has to generate more, as we try to be a people pleaser, we encounter those who are displeased with what we say and even what we wear.

Do I have to act a certain way?

Life in Shorts, Jeans, and Tees

One Halloween I asked my client what his costume will be and he said he will go as an internet marketer. I saw the pictures of internet marketing gatherings and some wore shorts while the other events showed that the clothing was smart casual. I am an internet marketer so what I wear is our way to dress.

I have been digging through my cabinets to dress up as I have places to go yet now I miss my life in shorts. Not so very long ago, a nasty old woman that has a permanent frown told me off about my wearing shorts. I complied for a while but the other day, as I was wearing shorts, she made it a point to cut into the conversation I was having a number of times then I realized what the heck her problem was and it is that she wants the attention and I am competition on level ground and when I wear shorts or even a nice dress, I get attention. The thing is, I don't dress up for others though I dress to suit the occasion. That woman irritated me so much I wanted to snap but held my tongue as in reality, what I do is not the cause of her unhappiness, it is her trying to control everything around her because a sad thing happened to her that she cannot control nor accept which is that her child has a mental health problem. I don't pity her though as parenting required that the one with the problem has to be cared for the most and she might not have done that or the problem development was due to her disorder. My brother had delayed speech, had epilepsy, had low grades, and he got well and now is the strongest and the biggest among us and is successful with many people who look up to him. His achievements are because of us always believing in him and caring for him daily to the point that I would get yelled at for getting one of the 24 cups of gelatin reserved for him - and he did get well at the age of 11. If you see him now, you'll never believe that he was premature and was a blue baby, too.

We all have some sort of crisis in our life and my life in shorts and life being short isn't a hindrance, it's a challenge. Though I carry sadness that is overwhelming sometimes, I know that matters are beyond my control and acceptance is the best way to deal with it, no matter how difficult it is to accept.

Tears Fall

With all the ugliness in the world and the hurt that comes my way because I am me, I do try to change but it's tiring and sometimes not worth it for doing so for people who don't care for me as I fill an empty seat on the table is a waste of effort. The awful thing is that they do destroy things because of their talk filled with bitterness, hate, and complaints instead of doing something that will make the positive change they want. Tears fall today as it has lately and I am not ashamed to cry as this is me.

Control Check

I don't care if I am not understood, not wanted, and talked about because this is my life and I live it the way I want and am happy without the crap thrown my way which ruins my day so I keep away from those kinds of mean and ugly people that just complain about everything, creating issues, and go where I am wanted, respected, and cared for. Life is what you make it. Don't waste time with hurt only as the last martyr was Rizal.

Describe Your..

Hey! If those two words in the title triggered off your dirty mind, keep on reading! Ahahahaaha! Let's start. 

Texting. 

Hi. 

Hi babe.

I miss you.

I miss your mouth. Hehe

>>>®<<<

Conversation.

We have reached an agreement because when he saw the picture, he fell in love with my poodle. 

What? (laughter)

I mean he wants his poodle to mate with my poodle.

What? (group roars with laughter)

Next conversation. 

Our poodles are going to get married?
No.

Huh? You mean just sex without commitment? 

He leaves the room.

(a snicker is heard)

Next conversation. 

Ah, my poodle said she would like be just friends first?

You mean get to know each other?

Yes. 

Okay.

Our poodles have still to meet! hehe 

>>>®<<<

Reposting off Instagram

My answer: The Secret
Other answers: Gone With the Wind and Transformers
Best answer: Iron Man because there is Iron Man 1, 2, and 3

Life Cannot Be Edited

In the desire to fix matters so that mistakes can be erased, the reality that life cannot be edited steps in, and the only way is to remove the hurt and pain inflicted is by forgiveness.

There is a point in time that I want to stop trying but until I see that all is okay, I do not. Then, the willing ear to listen starts shutting down upon the tales of lost people that stand on the ground of "I cannot." in such a manipulative manner that their weakness makes them think that life would be handed to them on a plate. Though these people are beautiful, I shudder to think why their relationships would end hold such a level of hate. Though I have ended relationships, the note was not on the material aspect, and even my last long one had said to my lawyer that he recognizes the help I had given him. As pleas and bargains are made, utter dependence of person who acts like they are helpless is something that loses sympathy fast, as pity turns to disgust. What I see is that the level of hate is so strong for an ex, that is will be a wipe out because the love turned to the material aspect. Give some respect for the other person and then respect for oneself, struggling is good for the soul as trying one's best to stand up, independent, is worth doing. Staying down and dependent is a lousy choice as people will step all over you, and happens as it is allowed to be done. As my daughter Maxi, had said when we were talking about the situation of this woman who allowed herself to be enslaved, "A man will only treat you that way because you allowed him to." and this applies to most relationships.

As one of the pilot mediators as trained by the Philippine Judicial Academy, the first thing that we do to reach a settlement to sort out the issues is to establish that the two parties will agree to try to agree. In a court case that can be settled such as that of domestic problems and monetary issues, there will be a series of talks. Once a party refuses to talk anymore and holds their ground, the case will be returned to court as there will be no agreement. Forgiveness and reconciliation comes about by airing out issues and though it typically starts with point-blaming, if the parties are both sincere in fixing the issue that affects their peace of mind, the cost of the court case, and affects their families and society as a whole, then things can be worked out. People who settle are happy as they might not have gotten exactly what they wanted but the hurt goes away as forgiveness comes in.

Life cannot be edited. We can't change the past and whatever happened then is part and parcel of us being us. For relationships to really mend, there must be trust and as I said before, as complex as human beings are, for many, Trust is a condom that can be bought from a drug store, and basically, the lack of trust comes from fears of what happened in the past experiences, not necessarily with the person but based on the way others had treated them, and what the person has done but since the trust is gone, we hold our sorry hearts to protect ourselves but from what? Being hurt again. 

Such is life. It can't be edited. But we can go on and embrace life and all that it has to offer as things can be enjoyed along with the down time that comes with it as that is the glory of living. As after all, when it comes to relationships, the ones that shakes your roots does caress the leaves in the sunlight, as there is no height without down, like the ebb time. so embrace it. Today, write the story well so there won't be any need to edit yet if editing is required, try again tomorrow, if there is a tomorrow as the opportunity may no longer be there, as we only have today, as right now, this moment, is our life.

Smile and go for it. The world is out there for you to make the most of it. Leave the edits for the mistakes and dance. 

When Epic Fails Work Out

We cannot control a lot of events, it is just our reaction that makes the difference and that we can control. Things do happen and like what happened to my dog Nala Pippin, a Jack Russell-Shihtzu, when she realized that life is full of surprises, as she was so excited to go out and turns around to wonder, "Hey, what you sticking up my butt?"

After a couple of epic fails in attempting to handle the tasks that I inherited, it is time to sit back and study these matter again. I do have a rich investor who would say yes easily since he is like family but as our policy would have it, we refuse to ask him for money unless it is utterly necessary. Business is different and the people that we love who help us are not a financing arm.

It's so unbelievable sometimes that things do go my way. Simple wishes like to have a cake for my birthday happens without my asking anyone for it. People knock on the door of my house with gifts, unexpected, much appreciated. In my life, I do remember a lot of things and it's the generosity that is not measured by the value of the gift but the effort placed into making my day much brighter that is truly the essence of the gift.

I wanted an investor for the project in mind and one suddenly appeared but it went astray, an epic fail. I have no sadness about it because the money was never in my hands so it can't be lost as we can't lose what we don't have, right? The other epic fail was the hope to be able to claim some money but then again, I wouldn't have remembered it was there if I didn't talk to the guy yet what peeved me off the most was the fact that I had to bring this transaction to my mother and it was all squat. In both instances, I realized that even if I had "conjured" them, I was talking to the wrong people and keep close the ones I care for and keeping away the ones that are not trustworthy. These couple of epic fails took a short time to be realized and it's a good thing to know, early in the game. Relaxed, I end my day fulfilled that I tried my best.

As corny as it sounds, loving, caring, inspiring, and motivating someone provide the wind beneath their wings. To do so takes nurturing, effort, and going that extra mile. Then, once they have flown, strong and free, and no longer need me in their lives, I can stop and the return home, to my friendship, to a love that was once there, should be voluntary. I do not ask or demand as it is always better when it is not asked for, keeping in mind that we are all ships that travel the sea, some cross our path and some travel with us in the same direction, and what matters is how I light up their way.

Today I stop as the epic fails are too irritating, taking up my time and focus. What I did realize is that I can still throw a wrench to stop gears from moving and that what people think that what I can do because of who I am is an illusion that is highly effective because, in fact, I am nobody, they just want to think that I am and I must remember to bow. For what pushes me to greater heights, what brings me up is not what I do, not who I am, not what I have achieved or can achieve, knowing how to grab opportunity while it is there as that time may not come around again, the luck that follows me and the people that I love - and all of it is due because of people who are the wind beneath my wings and that keeps me going as for every epic fail, there might be another! 

Work at Home Mom WHAM

Not all women have the luxury of having a man to take care of all their needs and even if they do, there should be a form of independence to not make the burden heavier for their partner - and what is more important, as there are those men that can afford to give a woman everything - is creating a niche for oneself.

"Is this my life, Cindy?" This question was when a woman that had quit her job when she got pregnant on the urging of her husband. "Is it to baby talk the whole day? To change diapers? To devote my life to my child? I had a career and now I am stuck" I stared at her, thinking that it was her decision, yet I understood where she was coming from. "I feel you.", I said, remembering that when my youngest was a toddler, her father wanted me to quit my part-time job and my answer was, "If you will give me the money I can earn, I will quit."

Finding work outside the home isn't sometimes an option. I had made the choice to stay at home and not get a regular job. I have always been a WHAM (work at home mom). The kids were still growing up and my nephews and nieces were always around as their parents had to work. For the longest time, it was a riot at home, with them clambering up the sofa, running around playing, catching birds to place one in the beta max rewinder, one turning the fax machine into a coin bank, them chasing cats with their pellet guns, and the all-time favorite when they decide to become wrestlers and the mattresses were place on the floor and they would pummel each other. There was always some sort of activity in the house because I had to keep up to a dozen kids busy like drawing and painting to include their writing on the walls and chairs, and then one day I saw them place the youngest on a leash while she was acting like a dog. One of the most memorable was the time I entered the room as the shrieks of laughter was at an all-time high, and then my son said to me, "Mom, we made snow!" while my little Maxi and Timi were yelping, "It's snowing, it's snowing." as my son stood up on the bed holding the large bottle of baby powder to create the snow while the others were sliding on the floor like they were ice skating. Staying at home does have advantages and these are the times that we spend with our children for them to have the strong foundation provided by our love and care.

For many years, I cooked and baked for a living. Years ago, I was selling my bagnet at 700 pesos per kilo, apple pie at 600, our enormous leche flan at 350, cookies at 25 to 30 pesos each, yielding from my kitchen only items that are incomparable to gain repeat customers. Three days after I gave birth to Sarah who is now 21, I had to make leche flan to supply the grocery near by and for each large leche flan I made and sold, I had enough money to cover the ingredients for the next one to make and to buy a small box of milk and that time, a small pack Kimbies disposable diapers which was enough for my baby for that day. I also sewed things to sell such as stuffed toys and made curtains and beddings. The walls of the home is not limitation, it is the place where I can dictate my time, rest when I want to, do what I love to, and place my family in priority while working. Then around 12 years ago, I went online and started writing. This became my career until now.

The drawback happened a couple of years ago when I developed carpal tunnel syndrome. I would be dropping a plate, screaming in pain when I changed a light bulb, and there was once a sharp long pain in my upper right arm that would bring me down on my knees while I was just walking in the living room. I called up my internal-med neurologist that had piled me with so much flowers when I was still single that I had to make him stop, telling him that I don't eat flowers to get long lunches and dinner instead, and he when answered the phone, he was worried as I haven't talked to him for years. "What's wrong, Cindy? You're lucky you got to contact me here at my old office as I seldom drop by. Tell me what is wrong, are you sick?" I started crying, "I need to see you." After which I got a series of questions. "Get this kind of x-ray and bring the results to me" I was still crying as he told me that I could not never sew again. "I am in pain." was my answer. "Do I really need an x-ray? What can I do now to stop the pain?" He answered, "When I see you, I will immobilize your wrist and place it in a cast. You have go to stop crying as you can't sew anymore, use the computer the way you do, and stop doing all the things I told you to. Buy a wrist brace and take this med. Call me tomorrow if it worked or not." It did work and I got well for the longest time but now the pain is coming back so I save my writing for books, blogging that helps me relax and put information out there, and the regular job that I have.

Working at home did sustain my family for many years. Now that my youngest is 16, I go offline more often, ready to face the world and take the challenges that it presents to earn money for I am nearly done with the most important job of my life which is that of being a mother.

If you ever feel that staying at home is cramping your style, that the daily chores and taking care of the kids make you feel that there is something missing, I feel you. I hope that someone will be encouraged by what I wrote and if you want to start being more productive, you might want to join contests and get free stuff by getting the information you need the blog of my friend, Mary Jane Dionela, who is just like me, a work at home Mom that was able to find her niche. Click this link to find contests and freebies.

Keep in mind when you are down, dreams do come true. Focus and work towards that goal. Post it on your wall like the law of attraction thing then work on it with all your might so it will come true. This will work, not just for women but for all people from all walks of life. Don't let circumstances control you - break free and make your life something more than long.

Missing Life

In a world that we can create, we are not hampered by the circumstances. It is what we do to make the changes that we want in our life, it's what we do to achieve what our goals are, and what we do to make each day filled with love and life instead of the kind that passes by as we mop the floors. 

Today, May 25. Waking up in the middle of the night after having crashed early is going to make a mess of my plans. It's going to be another awfully hot day later. Not looking forward to doing any chores, I had zipped and done stuff earlier so there is more time to work when I wake up but now, at 1:30 am, I am awake and thinking doesn't get to achieve things, proactive solutions are required. But it's going to be so hot and life will pass me by if I spend an extra minute mopping floors and be at other people's beck and call. I have to step out because being online for too long, the changes has to be made. Resources are online for now yet that's because this is what I have established. Doesn't mean that resources aren't out there, will just have to find those. 

I can still almost hear my Dad's voice. After over a year of his passing away, he still pulls through for us. "Thanks, Dad.", I sometimes think, "For leaving me everything." All include the problems which aren't small at all and there are times that I should push harder to find the investors, get the capital, make the business plans - and I don't because of the struggle which I don't believe in because if the path is easy, that's the one that I will choose as it is open and I see the goal. The daily grind wears me down as another bird has flown from my nest from the nastiness that abounds, the hurtful words, the selfishness and doing what I must and only that, as I don't have to live with that, too. 

Traumatized by the past as alarm bells rang clear last week when a level of abuse was being attempted to be inflicted of someone that I love, seeing red, remembering why I had left that last long relationship. No court of law may do what the person deserves so the wringing begins to end pride and power that creepy people have derived from their ghoulish ways. Not by talk and yapping away as the enemy does with all their lies, making themselves appear spotless and me as a frantic nut case and inform the network that has been establish to cut off relations so no income and friendship would come from any of us, only silence. Leave them grasping at straws until the end of their lonely lives. 

Anger for me is a good thing only when directed properly. People dance through life with their words and noting that there is no value placed in what my needs are instead the direction is for what they want in their life, no sycn, short end of the stick, People do listen and move based on the truth.  

Going to where I am wanted provides solace that includes being needed and laughter. As for friendship is filled with moments to live, no judgement call, just acceptance, no need to act in a certain way for the decorum that society dictates with a proverbial frown on her face, letting my hair down is a form of escape to not be missing life, not being made to wait for a promise that has never been spoken as if I was a mind reader, though thinking back, ah, maybe I should smile and stay though I am loving the impulsive times with friends to go to hang out in one place and then another and escalating the bond so friendship gets stronger as the story continues with the cool, laid back attitude of the cool mountains so it's good to hang around, linger, share and come back. 

It's desert storm time. What do you want in life? Missing life and all that it has to offer won't happen if you take it, take the steps to get it, own the day to get rid of the mediocrity. My back slightly aches from the mundane, repetitive tasks, robot-like in nature and I will have not part of that, finishing what must be done and to live today, going back to sleep to meet the challenges along with the heat, making life happen and not waiting as it makes no sense at all to have regrets. Makes me think that I may not be lucky in love though my love is lucky. I now will go back to sleep knowing that the changes will happen and dream to change the story ending (spoiler alert!) of the movie, "Same Time Next Year" as in the end, she never was able to go back to be with him again though the stolen moments was enough. I so love to hate this movie yet so love the song. 

Song of Yi Ji

Feel the heartbeats racing.

Heed that momentary glimpse.

Makes unbridled passion alive

While being half-alive

Let down as eyes are closing

Not to show the ;longing and yearning,

Stay longer and let’us leave

Extend the time and be mine

Hold me with you eyes

I can't look any longer

I just want to run away and hide,

It has never felt so good

Seeing in my mind's eye

The talking, the hurting,

Let us brush aside the pain

By being together once again

Spend the countless hours,

Daily trivial pursuit and continue

See this through by being there

Just by being there for me.

Tears form in my eyes

Fearing that it might not happen

The minutes turn in days

Of endless running away

Over and beyond what is,

May you be mine?

Even part of the time

Like for the lonely long nights

Run away with me, my heart

Come to me, I await

Hold me in your love

Let us stop the hurt.

Be mine to care for

Feel the true tenderness

How it is to be loved

Adored and pampered

Don't say nay

For it will last

As our souls know

This time is ours

Set aside the pain

No longer be tired

Take shelter in my arms

To our love divine

It is you and always

Has only been you

No one else can compare

Come back in my arms

Let me caress you

Until the dawn comes

Sweetly, again and again

Gentle, soft, hushed touches

Until we fall asleep

In each others arms

Forgetting about all else

As the heart beats become one

Stop Struggling

Do your best and things will work out if it's really for you. Sounds kind of lame though encouraging. The reality is that we struggle, have a difficult time, feel sad, feel oppressed, presented with our limits, wondering when we will reach our goal, wondering why life can sometimes be so difficult.

Faith, trust, hope - these words seem overrated, overused in times of trouble. When the point in time is the darkest searching for the light at the end of the tunnel, we see a glimmer that appears and then it moves, could we have been fooled?

We close our eyes and even in the darkness there are spots, circles, the colors appear. We may introspect and see light in our mind's eye, the third eye opens and the world changes. It's over, the feeling is like it's so over - yet then once we stop struggling and let go, we will realize that it is not the end of the world, there is tomorrow.

Feeling a couple of raindrops, looking up to the overcast sky, hoping that the rain will fall but it does not fall at all. Losing something is akin  to dying, the blessed reason for living is to feel the passions of the heart, isn't it, instead of the lost zen of peace? The peace that comes with acceptance of the situation will set us free. Holding on means that it is precious. When you set it free, it will come back if it is yours.

Misty Dream of Far Away

Misty Dream of Far Away

As the touch had held me tight, 

Through the night my dream's delight

To be flung far away,

As a misty dream of yesterday. 

The turmoil of the storm, 

Turns to become the endless sea

Holding fast, the winds whip the mast, 

Holding fast for the calmer sea. 

So flows the sea into forever, 

The bottle adrift to land on the shore, 

Uncorking the bits and pieces 

That make the misty dream of far away. 

The storm has passed, 

The notes have been read,

The sea is calm

To dream in the mist. 

No Can Do: Empowering Women

Enter relationships with trust then test to see the true colors. People can be deceiving with their ulterior motive being that of evil. Women are not victims as we are their mothers, sisters, daughters, lovers, wives, and friends. 

Keep alert

Not at all times would a man with bad intention show his hand right away. Most of the times, it comes in the guise of help. The target would be what your weakest spot is such as:

- the need for money

- the desire for a partner

- the wanting to be accepted

- not wanting him to be mad at you

- the need for help 

And, many more. As a woman, we are sometimes helpless. Yet, inside, we must gather the strength to stand up when wronged and discard the bait. You'll see the bait being dangled in front of you. "I have, I can, I will, if I want to." This is what some men who victimize women show and over-all, the 'if I want to' part is the controlling nature. 

"If I want to" 

Well, not at all times can us women get what we need and want from a man. Take note, there are some who do try yet can't really deliver. You'll have to weed out the real, the sincere, and the fake. See the motive and remember that you wear a skirt. Being pretty and attractive is an advantage yet it is also a weakness when we do not feel appreciated. Place aside the feelings for a while, do not base it on the "If I want to" of a man but instead be confident. Take a step back and objectively look at what your need and desire is then turn the table and think for your sake, the question is not if he wants but if you want to continue or stop. 

Too much hard sell

Like a used car salesperson, sometime there is too much talk for a man, too mush explanation, too much justification. then listen and think. Words sometimes spill out and then you'll see that there is not much room for doubt. Listen skills is something all people should develop then next would be studying the body language - then checking for mixed signals. 

Anger and control

It happens all the time in most relationships. The anger can be shown by saying it, by deprivation, by being ignored. Difficult as it seems, don't fall for it especially if you have not made any major mistakes. After all, we are but human and if unforgiveness is the way of life, say, "I can't go for that, no can do." 

Speak up 

Say what you want but please make sure that's what you want before stating it. It takes time to know what you want, not in a flash of desire, not in a moment, it must be a studied decision, like making a pros and cons chart. What is indeed what you want and what are the benefits that you are providing? Not just "friends with benefits" as it should ideally be a sincere relationship. Check your motives also. It is just for the help, the lack, the need? Then maybe it's just right when a man would say, "I can't go for that, no can do." depending on the situation and the intention. 

Rejection is part of life

We all get rejected. Take it in stride. Whatever doesn't kill you make you stronger, right? Sing that when you feel like crying. Cry when you feel like crying. Then wake up to the dawn of a new day and face the challenges head on because there are somethings that are so worth it and throwing in the towel is not an option. Yet, it is also possible that upon analyzing the situation, that you should thrown in the towel and say, "I can't go for that, no can do."

There are men that prey on women. There are men who respect and protect. There are men that stand by and do noting. As a woman, be like a man when in battle to defend and protect what you love. Keep a hold of your beauty when down. Treat people with tenderness so it shows. And when the abuse is starting, do not allow it to continue.

Listen and say it. "I can't go for that, no can do." Empower yourself. 

Those Casablaca Nights

White trellised walls intertwined with flowers. Piano music fills the air to turn into easy listening and jazz as the night gets longer though we are no longer counting the hours. No need to wait with open tab for my non-freezing vodka that bubbles from the soda, the moments have arrived within those white trellis flowered walls that we took outside to make the most of the nights. Our days were filled with work, my leaning forward to listen to his soft-spoken voice, following every word as with each affectionate look, my fragile heart could never break. The words were spoken in so many way, encompassing our world to be together as pillars of a temple. 

The dawn always seems so far away as we sit and linger to laugh during those Casablanca nights. There was never a need to be anywhere else as we were there. All others disappeared as these interrupted our moments and heedless of all else, no matter who was beckoning, the champagne was poured to take the place of the Stolich vodka that inhibits the inhibitor. Bubbling delight, a few sips, a toast to rather bitter champagne, pass the Asti Spumanti Martini and Rossi instead.

Simple pleasures, simple delights, times of quiet as we stare into each others eyes. To dare not look breeds more passion, to see the overwhelming power that holds and enfolds. The power was more, the allure was more, the energy was strong and made stronger with each deep breath that we take. For what is a touch but teardrops that slowly fall when there is longing. We dare not miss the call. 

Those Casablanca nights turned into days as the countless hours without each other was too mediocre, bland and tasteless, feeling empty as there is no gaze. 

Among the many whispers, promises were made to be kept for a lifetime of tenderness and gentleness. There was no mistakes, no hurt, no anger, just being. The music played for decades. 

"What do you want? Do you want me to destroy him?", the angry tones were subdued. "No.", was my answer knowing why his rage was going to hit as there was hurt. "What do you want?" prodding, asking, wanting. "We return to the way it was before." The pain was gone as he moved silently as expected to. Time passed and it was always sweet and warm. As he closes his eyes so I close mine to end the book of those Casablanca nights. 

Perfect Gooey Chewy Brownie

When I resurrected my oven, the orders included that of brownies which is a baked goodie I  had not perfected, then. I didn't even have the right sized brownie pan and other things such as the box, so stocking up, I baked quite a lot of different kinds of brownies using various recipes because, as stated in a former post, I was in search of the perfect gooey brownie.

Perfect Gooey Chewy Brownie

I had to make 9 brownies. Instead of mixing one brownie batter at a time, I made a batch for 9 as the batter base was the same. so I had to x9 the recipe which is actually saves me more time, energy, and washing up as it was just the toppings like the kind of nuts or if there would be extra chocolate chips that would make each brownie different. 

Now here comes the tricky part. Cakey brownies are easy to make, gooey ones with the middle part oozing with creamy goodness and the top crust being crunchy isn't that simple. Based on my research, the various methods to make the perfect gooey chewy brownie include:

Underbaking it. When the sides are done which can be checked by inserting a toothpick and it comes out clean but the middle is not yet done, take it out of the oven and let the heat finish cooking the brownie. I dislike this method as it should be properly baked and it also doesn't work that well because the sought-after edges do not have the gooey inside. 

Adding chocolate chips. Place in half the batter into the pan, add in a layer of chocolate chips, then cover with the rest of the batter. To make sure that the chocolate chips do not submerge to the bottom, use mini or small ones and coat these lightly with flour by placing these a plastic bag, adding some flour, closing the plastic bag with air inside, and shaking it. 

Reducing the number of eggs used. The typical brownie recipe requires two eggs to be use. Eggs add volume to a baked product and removing one will create a denser brownie though it will not have a gooey center. 

Mixing until batter is shiny. Brownies don't take long to mix but adding extra strokes until the batter is glossy and shiny will result in the crispy crust. Mixing should be done by hand or at low speed.  

Reducing or omitting the leaveners. Most brownie recipes call for the addition of a leavener like baking soda. Leaveners make the batter lift and become more cake-like. Reducing or omitting the leavener will make the brownie more dense. Now, if you find a brownie recipe that you like to be cakey and there is no leavener in the ingredient list, it is safe to add one teaspoon of baking soda. 

Using oil, butter, or margarine. I prefer to use butter or butter-flavored margarine and extend the baking time by a couple of minutes yet using canola oil and other kinds of oil is also good for making brownies though the brownie will be more dry and cake-like. Melting the butter or margarine is the thing to do but not until it separates. Some people use half oil, half margarine. 

Now that you have the tips on how to make the perfect gooey chewy brownie, let me show you our one-of-a-kind brownie.

Brownies like a Lava cake

Perfect Gooey Chewy Brownies

Awesome, aren't they? These taste even better than they look. My daughter's friend ended up stealing one that was meant for someone else and upon his confessing to me that he had done that, he was begging me to make more!

I had made the perfect gooey chewy brownie. The recipe is top secret as my grandaunt who taught me how to cook and bake said, "Never give away the recipe of something that you make money from." 

If you want to order, tweet @cpdominguez 

Men with More Wives Than One

"It's unfair!" said my friend with a deep frown on his face, "Why isn't it that way anymore nowadays?" The discussion was about how the ancient Romans used to treat women in such a way that they can have any woman they want, in a grab and let's do it manner. I guess maybe that's why those ancient Romans kept on fighting among themselves?

In another discussion that was expounded on the following day about men with more wives than one, it was biblical based. It was about Solomon and how he had 700 wives and let's put aside for a moment the 300 concubines. If one will compute based on the number of days in a year which is 365, then he would have to service at least 2 a day? Since the total amount is 1,000 women, that means Solomon will be quite busy 3 times a day? LOL! My goodness, with so many women to deal with, it is still a wonder he was so wise?

Then there is another biblical character which is David who also had more wives than one. David did in turn set up the husband of the woman he wanted who was Bathsheba, to send the guy off to battle to die so he can have her as a wife. Great move. 

Closer to home, in the south, there was this man who held a political position that also more women than one, according to the insider story. This man would buy each a house and support them, and sleep in one house then another the next night. Yah right, Apparently, he got away with it and his bait was a home and support. 

People do sometimes "make kapit sa patalim" meaning that they hold on to the sharp edge of a knife. This is done in order to survive. Yet, it is a compromise. Money has a power to make a person give up their principles, integrity, and it is said that it is the root of all evil - though it is the love of money that is the culprit. We see people amass fortunes at the expense of their constituents, at the expense of other, and in the end, one can't take it to the grave anyway. 

Many women choose a man to be their partner based on more reasons than love. That is a wise decision yet I have spoken to a lot that say after many years, their making the right choice isn't enough. I got a call after dinner from a woman crying about her husband, how he has to change because he plays around and she had two kids, so I told her, focus on the children and work it out with him. 

Work on it. Find a middle ground. Fix the differences. I can't imagine how a man can have so many wives when one is more than enough to handle! Is it the variety? The dissatisfaction must be there or the only thing that is on their mind when they see their "wives" is what is between their legs. 

Faithfulness is a decision like most of the other things that that are important in a relationship. Sure, the eyes of man will stray and appreciate when they see Elizabeth Hurley! The real essence of a relationship goes beyond the looks, beyond the sex, forgiving always, and trying to make it work, daily. It is the commitment to keep the commitment, typically bound by a contact but does not necessarily have to be, and that kind of decision will make the relationship last. 

Too serious?  Okay, then. Ehem. Cough.

Three men were stranded in a desert island for a long, long time. Two of the men finally wandered off to inspect the other parts of the island. That two came back, excited, and one said, "Hey, there are a lot of orangutans at the other side. I made out with one of them." The other man also said, "Yes, I made out with an orangutan, too, and it was great. You should try it, dude." The third guy who was left behind was shocked but since he hasn't had sex for so long, he decided to go to the other side of the island with the two men. Upon reaching the place where there was a group of orangutans, he grabbed the nearest one and started making out. 

Then he heard gales of laughter from the two men while he was in the act. After he was done, he went to them and asked why they were laughing. And one answered, "You just had to pick the ugliest one! Bwahahahahaha!"

Today, I had the displeasure of dining with a man who showed his hand to prove to us that he was a louse. The air reeked with his loud voice aghast that he got exposed when the host, my daughter and I pinned him down on his creepy ways, He was in a hurry to leave, stood up, bolted out the door, paid for the bill, so dinner was never finished. Yehey. I am still thinking if I should tell him off one more time but then he had already lost face, though I might to stop him from trying to pull off another stunt ever again, That man is the kind of man that will make out with the ugliest orangutan or any orangutan for that matter because he says, "Don't leave your wife, just add to them."

Men with more wives than one. So what's that piece of paper? It's a contract. So what's it without a piece of paper? It's a deal, a promise, a commitment. In business, not all contacts are delivered to the utmost satisfaction of the parties yet it is still binding. Contacts, deals, promises, can be dissolved when one backs out or both agree to finish it and the same applies to relationship. This I firmly believe should be strong enough to make it last though my personal belief is that a timeless relationship is based on the red string of fate.

Good Morning Starshine

No, don't go, it's a cruel world out there, you know! The warning was heard and left unheeded as when we go on with our life, the fear of what is out there should not hold us back.

To pack up and leave has been an option. Abuse comes in many forms. The drilling, grilling kind of a miserable, greedy life even when times was plentiful emits powerful negative vibes. Speak not of the ongoing projects, speak not of prospects, speak not of much except trivial matters that may also be cut down. Oppressive, as the happiness lies on what material things can buy and has been so for years, the burden is not so much the cost but the lack of contentment verbalized and if ever the matters would be listed down, it would be reviving the pain.

Started doing mundane, repeated tasks, and hearing the words of the one prodding that is merely observing, saying "I'm lazy, it's too hot, I can't afford it, it's going to be tiring.. "  and more to start my day was making things much heavier that they really are. Deciding to shrug it off, which apparently hasn't really happened as I am writing this, a relaxing afternoon break and a few hours of work before a celebrating the birthday of a friend was the way I spent the rest of my day. 

There was this guy at the party who we heckled along with the other dudes who were trying to set up the laptop to the TV to the sound system. Upon seeing the way he moved, then his taking the effort to pour out my drink, open the door, and do other things such as call up the other people to arrive, as some of us stood at the parking lot, I noticed the bandana on his head to cover up the baldness. When he moved away, still talking on his cell, I asked another friend quietly, "Is there something wrong with him?" and the answer was "Yes, he has cancer." As we moved back inside, he again opened the door for me and I said, "Hey, you're all-around help here!" as I saw him a few days ago carrying the TV. He answered, "Yes, I am doing a lot of things and I am sick." I stared at him and said, "Don't mention it." He smiled.

Mind over matter. What you don't mind doesn't really matter? What you do mind becomes a mountain that is more difficult to overcome. The world can be cruel, it may be a one-way street.

No, don't go, it's a cruel world out there, you know!

The burden? Greed. Materialism. Vanity. It's empty, that misery.

I am not afraid. I am not half-alive. I know what I value and it cannot be counted as it is immeasurable and priceless. As the sun and moon rises, should I bury my face in my hands to find solace for such is sacrifice yet for what? To fill the need? The night sky always changes. The stars move as they are supposed to. There's sunset and there's the dawn.

Mandarin Palace BF Homes: Just So Love the Food

We dined at Mandarin Palace located in BF Homes the other night. I have dined there a few times before and the last couple of times was with the owner who I had met at the neighboring bar, Mito's Place. The night we met was regaled with fun and after my saying that I like Chinese beer, he called his waiter to bring over to Mito's place 6 bottles of Tsingtao which is manufactured with German technology. I was delighted by his generosity and called over to our table Dom Ladrido, a friend of my daughter, to give him a couple of bottles for their table after asking for permission to share it because there was no way to consume all of it! Dom, as polite mannered as he is, accepted the drinks with a profusion of thanks and then promptly joined us. As I looked at the tall green bottle which is a challenge to take, I poured a glass to reveal in the crisp, clear taste of this Chinese beer. Good company doesn't make me drunk yet I still had to lessen my intake because I know that Tsingtao kicks! 

Upon wandering into Mandarin Palace to say hello to the owner another night, he gave me different kinds of soimai and to ask me to join them for his farewell dinner the next day. Upon being asked what I wanted to drink, I said Johnny Walker black though I truly prefer champagne. The next day, the bottle was there, lying on the table, so I called Mito Barretto, the owner of the neighboring BF Homes bar to tackle the bottle as I am only good for a couple of shots! The food was ordered, scallops and other fresh seafood, and then I requested for rice, and since the owner is from Fookien, it had to be something I haven't tried so what was served was Fookien rice which is quite good. What I like about the owner is that he is such a pleasant, unassuming, jolly fellow and that he accepted my offer not painstakingly make sure not to over order. 

The dinner the other night started with different kinds of soimai and yes, my favorite chicken feet. When I was asked to order anything I want, I asked for just half a Peking duck which got me yelped at the next day by my uncle who said I didn't know how to order as these are not our standard favorites, making me wish that I had my Chinese friend with me who knows how to order as that made my food experience at Shi Lin one of the best ever. Right, so after being laughingly admonished by my uncle I should order pata tim? 

Peking duck triggers many pleasant food memories, being introduced to the different ways by my uncle and attorney, Dante Carandang, the time we celebrated a birthday with David So, a friend of my father at a Chinese restaurant in a hotel in Roxas Blvd where the mango sago was like a dream, and when we had it with the owner of Via Mare who had complained that expensive Chinese restaurant should at least place gauze on the calamansi. The last time I had Peking duck, it came from Peking, a gift from an old friend who is a pilot. It was in a large bag and there was sauce. This food experience is so worth repeating. 

 Half a Peking Duck 

 One Way

Or Another

The Peking duck is Mandarin Palace is served 2 ways and since it is me who is dining, there must be a 3rd way which is "I Did It My Way" like that song by Frank Sinatra.  

When dining at Mandarin Palace BF Homes, I recommend that you do order the Peking duck which is excellent and any item on the menu as these will surely please you. I love their soipao as it is super large and filled to the max, the hopia, and the congee, and frequently take these out. When I chatted with a friend of mine last week at Tropical, he pulled out the menu of Mandarin Palace from pocket and said that the hototay was great which is what I will try next time I go there as this dish is the standard favorites - and in complete disregard of my uncle admonishing me, I will still order something new from the menu to add to my food experience. 

Clearing the Cobwebs

A quiet Friday, starting the morning with my dog sitting on my lap as we linger outside the house. The sun shone hard and it felt just right. Focusing efforts on right-minded tasks to clear the cobwebs of my mind. Time went by slowly, no rush, relaxed, and then off to a long, nice nap. I rose, and my newest pet turned on her back for her tummy rub - and I smile - to cradle her in my arms to look at the moon and stars later. 

Rejuvenating

Feeling drained from yesterday as what I got was mixed signals, though work was pushing forward, the feeling was that to run away rather than deal with the mess I created. The harsh words, the silence then my wondering why in heaven's name do I still try, swallowing my pride, staying and waiting for a sign. A startled rush to move, a turned back, no laughter, just the voice of controlled anger and to my dismay, a gift discarded and then... for less than a minute, those smoldering eyes that was filled with what? That look confused me more, as what was said isn't there and oh goodness, how to no longer beseech and hence the cobwebs in my mind, entrapping my thoughts, going to my heart to hold it like in a spider's web. 

It's a pain game in a rather narcissistic manner and one that might be filled with regret. No longer trying to figure things out, leaving to say goodbye is my best bet. There is no hope in words that hurt repeatedly saying "nay" and as life is filled with enough aches, this day has been golden to get rid of the cobwebs. The long walk before the sun sets never fails to work to give me the stillness. The sadness still remains as to go is the choice given as what will hold me, what is there to hold on to? A momentary glimpse of what is there may should not be enough to go by, says my mind, disagreeing with my heart, and when that happens, I am not happy, so I follow my mind. 

Clearing the Cobwebs

Falling asleep, refreshed, considering the series of events to be that like the last boxing match watched, throwing in the towel for a settlement that is to be lost anyway. Limits. Rats. It still doesn't make sense though no need to lose sleep and pine away because I love my life without tears falling. Clearing the cobwebs that bind me to make good what I have done and not betray my heart and my mind that have agreed is difficult. 

To remember the look, it's just a look and there is nothing there as stated. I turn and see a man who want to breathe the scent of a woman then drift off to sleep, got followed to be checked on by another, inquisitive of all that I was doing, cajoling my way to establish more work, crossed over to be welcomed with warm smiles, to return to a back turned, then returned home. Life is best with acceptance. With a glass of cold cappuccino and the knowing that whatever fate has in store for me is going to happen, anyway, I shut down, refusing to be included in that jar of hearts of a broken collection, for my sake, though all is forgiven. 

New Coffee Shop In BF Homes: Barako Haus

Coffee? Free Wifi? In phase one BF Homes Paranaque, where do you go? There's no place that's near Ruins, right? For your information, there is.

Barako Haus is located right beside Pizza Hut, in front of Waki and Pancake House. A chill place, there's our favorite brew and free, strong wifi! I have had the ultimate pleasure to try the Sunflower frap which is in the middle of the picture, and I guarantee that you'll go nuts about the candy coated sunflower seeds integrated into a filling, whipped cream topped, delicious coffee-based beverage. The other flavors I also tried, and these are great as the richness of the coffee is distinctly there, and there is no holding back in the amount of thick whipped cream that you'll get.

Barako Haus is BF Homes has civet coffee that is sought after by many coffee lovers as it is non-acidic and has a rich, robust flavor. The coffee is presented like a tea bag and hot water will be poured in and after steeping for a few minutes, you've got your civet coffee.

There are Filipino delicacies available, for dine in and take out. The sandwiches are made from malunggay pan de sal and these are large and served hot from the oven. You'll love the unique taste of the tinapa pan de sal and that of our all-time favorite, adobo.

And, my favorite item that I have tried at Barako Hause is the gourmet peanuts which I can't get enough of, even if I have to limit my peanut intake! The spice is just right, not overpowering but enhancing and it has a blend of herbs with just the perfect touch of salt. It's perfect, especially with some FUNdador!

Barako Haus BF Homes is owned by my friends, Al and Menchie Serrano, and my daughter and I love this cool place as we can bring our laptop, go online on our cells, and chill the whole day until night as it closes at midnight, and it has Filipino brews. Take a few minutes to laugh by clicking play to watch the hilarious Filipino Coffee Tutorial of  Mikey Bustos! 

Promote and support our own Filipino brews, South peeps! 
Visit Barako Haus BF. 

A Red String

We may tend to put the blame on other matters that influence us to make a decision but ultimately, it rests upon us. So many people walk around tragically saying that they can't make the changes yet it truth, they can but won't. 

Could have, would have, should have

These 3 phrases are like the worst to say. I think back sometimes and reflect but I know that I can't turn back the hands of time as what has been done, is done. We do have time and it's kind of scary to know that there are realities that makes time even longer. 

Tesseract 

Once, a long while back, I felt like I was in a tesseract which is a warp in time. It started by my doing something that I didn't plan and from that point in time until it was over then I proceed to go forward along the path that I knew was mine.

Was I forced to make a decision? Yes. 

Was my decision correct? Yes, it seemed right, all factors said so. 

Was I happy? In the warp, yes. 

Did it change my life drastically? Yes. 

Did I lose anything because of my decision? Yes. 

Reincarnation 

My head hurts from the sweltering heat that makes standing still an effort. My heart has stopped. My mind has taken over and I read and study, seeking the answer I already know, that my soul knows, I cannot be free of the knowing. And you know what the scariest part is? Unfinished business doesn't get another lifetime to cycle, it's happening now and I don't have to die for the things to repeat, for another chance. 

Does this sound too vague? Is it too coincidental for the same scene to happen twice? That the same kind of longing and yearning will be there? That even the same kind of wall will be placed? Not a deja vu, as I had those before but a repeat of the essence and though the circumstances has changed, making it now possible for me to make a decision. 

The scene. Rinse. repeat. 

We laughed the night away. I saw the twinkle in his eyes, how he stare at me when he thought I wasn't looking. It was beyond the stage of sitting in front of  each other at the table, talking the time away. I fell into his arms, we kissed, and he wiped my tears away, saying, "I can't."

During the first time, the sad thing was, I could not also but I did do what I could to be free. I had waited for him to be free and all those years, he cared for me and maybe he couldn't return because I was no longer free as I couldn't wait not knowing as things were unclear except for the knowing that I belong with him. Too awful for me, not once but twice  in a lifetime and it's the same soul that I see in the eyes. Yet, I think now after studying for days, if it is mine, it is mine until the end of time, right?  

Now comes the troubled part. You would think that all would be plain sailing yet other factors are involved. More than factors, people, dragging it down, tearing it apart, a grounded reality. To move, I made a break from the most obvious hindrance to my freedom but what I never expected is that another soul, the one that I had freed myself from, would come back.  It flusters me as it was like he was beckoned during a conversation about him and as I stared down thinking how he was dead, I never expected that he might appear again, My heart suddenly starts beating faster as I know that passion, I know that call, and my heart is being torn so I hold on to see things through because if it is really him that I left, he had vowed to haunt all the others.

Oh, why do these things happen to me? Argh! Is having my third eye open a flaw? Is being so esoteric once coming back now? Take a deep breath, focus, and know. 

I am still here. 

The same kind of battle is about to be fought again only this time, I am free to make my decision and it will be in accordance to what I do and do not do. And my decision is not to decide for now as many words have been left unspoken, many things are yet to happen, yet there is that red string of which to hold onto. 

I am ready. 

It's not a game, it's real life and I have this chance not to mess it up. I got ready by fixing what to wear, loading my gun - oops, nope, that was a joke! I am ready and the first thing is control. Yup, not to take control but to be in control. The next step is to wait for the events to happen, now that is a hassle because I am so impatient! I will listen and wait for the move, the acknowledgement, the confirmation to know which soul the red string of fate of my soul is attached to. 

Go with the flow. Destiny. Fate. 
That invisible cord, that the red thread that dictates.

The way we makes decisions in our lives vary. Some are based on logic, some are based on doing what is acceptable by society, some are based on what our heart says, and there is that which we have to make which is based on the red string of fate.