Has No Title

Fiction.

From a deep slumber, awakening to the sound of wailing words, repeated, disruptive, self-pity drowning out the hate, my brain gets cluttered, smashing it with the noise of the loud cries, the zen mode of the past few days and the serotonin happiness begins to fly away. Feeling oppressed by the sounds that have been reverberating throughout the walls, knowing that it is intentionally done for attention, it's time to take deep  breaths and shrug the matter off yet that doesn't happen. 

How to obtain freedom from such musings? There is a way yet it takes too much effort as the energy in my body gets drained. Wishing for a real problem, one that has clinical basis that is far better and worth dealing with than that early evening drama TV shows come to life - not a mind game. I still get affected as the depression due to the consequences of actions that is of their own doing is one that is a heavy burden that I am forced to partake. After all those chances to overcome and not being an invalid, it's the limitations that stop the progress, bearing down on mine. My mind and heart screams as I need to dwell on something real - and focus on the tasks on hand. 

A normal, placid day is impossible to have. When all is going well, then the trouble begins so that there will be some action and there shall be emotion, among the other things that feeds the high of discontent. Been dragged down too long and even a simple conversation is peppered with lies. There is no cure. No treatment can be provided. It's the attitude. And, that is impossible to change from the outside. Seemingly poignant in the loneliness, seemingly miserable and faking the relationships to for that one-way advantage, throwing rocks in my way as I refuse to let go of my peace of mind. 

Time to escape. Then the turmoil starts inside me, oh that haze, turning the wondrous HD days and nights filled with smiles and productivity into a long pull downward to make it nearly impossible for me to get to the mountain top while enjoying the trek and the view. This must end as anger and pride wells up inside as the sympathy has long died for those wailing cries. 

Another one plays a mastermind game. It's been a winning streak for me as even when losing, there was a better option. No longer trying to figure out how heartless, crude rejection can be turned around as that was accomplished, knowing that there is regret to hold an empty shell and the mind games have begun to lure me back into the trap, as I see the distraught, covering up a broken heart that was brought about by my deciding to give back kindness, forgiveness, and friendship, when mine got stabbed by sheer disregard and disrespect that was the equivalent of nothingness blaming it on my ego when I don't even know why as I humbly apologized. Do I really give a squat now? Find time.

In gratefulness,this tirade ends,  If those events didn't happen, there would be no zen mode, no discovery of a treasure, no to many things that are worth spending time and effort on where there is not much apology to do there is understanding. 

Yes, I can read your mind.