A Constant

It's a good thing to be consistent when pulling the trigger of any gun. That is far different from emotions and what triggers reactions. I do watch people and see how they react to things and then try to figure why without being a psychologist but by being trying to see things from their point of view.

In as much as a long-playing admirer has been shunned once again, making him once tell me that he cried during the movie "Fifty First Dates" as he thought of me, and how I seemed to forget things and that maybe it was the Scotch, I do know what I get into so long ago and there is a reason that for many years, every reason has been made to say no, no way.

Been there, done that.

Swept off my feet, the whirlwind relationship that had the heights of passion was there. Yet, I found one that grew and that changed everything in my life during those Casablanca nights. Upon looking back, we both knew what we were getting into but stayed. When the trouble began, it was time for covering, protecting, and making the changes. Following my heart and mind made it easy and happiness was there, inspite of the sacrifice which didn't feel that way for years. I went through so many changes yet his reaction was still the same as he knew me, and lately, as I protected him once again, covering, as I said he was sick and dying,  what I did worked and he is safe.

So many things that I see now seem so superficial. There was a depth in love that grows to beyond what is physical. Love is gentle and kind. It is tenderness and compassion. It is a warmth that encompasses the very being and despite the upheavals, it remains consistent. This is beyond compare. No matter what happens, the changes in life, the tone was always the same, and now I do realize how true it is and though it has been years since then, to find such tenderness again seems impossible. What is past is past, right? Holding up a candle to a kind of love that is for keeps makes the difference though it may be kind of silly as our worlds are apart.

A constant. Never changing though it seems to the world that I do, if it is based on the physical, sure that'll do, though as based on the reactions, it will be trashed as it is useless to deal with a relationship that way as it won't last, well at least not with me. For many years, I have chosen to be alone as what I am waiting for is a constant. Silence has been broken to tell a tale for the hounds to stop as the assassins continue the hunt. Silence is golden. Silence has rewards. Silence brings about trust and makes things strong as there is protection and caring, as treasures should remain hidden.

Having a long talk with a man who poured out his woes, finally figured out that the blabber mouth of an innocent dinner was his date, then upon assessment of another who denied that she was hasty and jumped into bed despite the troubles she is in, had told people of her involvement, it is odd to think why the reckless nature would jeopardize something that they treasure instead of keeping their mouth shut.

To talk is easy. Yet silence is a constant and trust is strengthened for the relationship to continue the way it is. Ideal, it works and when that relationship has been severed, there is no longer any need for silence as there is nothing to protect and care for. Keeper of secrets, it has made trust create friendships that last. Talk is cheap and ruins things in the long run. Feeling undeserving of the anger and cold shoulder, being a constant does show that matters are treasured. Pandora's box is to be left unopened. No conditions as the trust is there not to be broken.

We react differently to people, even the ones that we see on a daily basis. What is primary is that caring should be ideally be done with gentleness. If the relationship is not based on that and trust, it becomes strained and may turn to be hurtful. So be it. In as much as good relationships are difficult to let go, people's reactions do change based on the physical and then, it's easy to decide to follow the mind instead of the heart as these are not in agreement - to be always happy.