Just Because

Remembering the impulsive times of youth that I would pack up and run away to escape the city life to lie on a beach, taking action does happen just because it feels so right.

As we get older, our impulsive nature gets to be more under control. We study things, make decisions, and hardly act impulsively, placing into account many other things such as responsibility. Prioritizing is a must especially when budgeting for the family and throwing away money on impulsive things such as eating out in expensive restaurants may seem like a treat but then again, once the money has been spent, one has to generate the amount again. It is great to eat out and there are family bonding moments that call for it such as Sundays but then if things are on a budget, it is wise to save the money and make the meals at home more pleasant instead.

Just Because

Doing things "just because" can make us happy or get us in trouble. There are short-term and long-term consequences, perhaps results is a better word as consequences sounds like a negative thing. Being no longer that impulsive, I do take the opportunity that is presented to me while it is still there, as I know that it does only come once and regrets happen if it is lost.

A couple of weeks ago, being very angry, there was the perfect opportunity. After a series of texts that showed how truly a braggart and a liar that person was,to prevent his inflicting pain by using people that I consider as friends, he had to be stopped. Since talking about what he had done won't work as it would simply seem like backbiting and the way he would twist around stories to make himself look spotless, there was a decision that I made which would make him take the judgement stand.

I had informed him to keep away right after the undesirable incident but the past couple of days, he would insist on dropping by where I hang out, looking for his next prey, being loud and obnoxious with his peppered swear words, proud of his evil ways. He, up to today, does not realize that the investor that he dangled in front of me that he is now blocking has been warned, and that I have received a thumbs up signal with a smile from that man who did so while he was walking behind the back of that braggart while on their way out the door. It made me smile as I saw them yesterday walking out as the investor was holding up the paper, snapping, and after an hour, the braggart returned looking down, unable to continue to rip of the investor. Should I text him to meet? Maybe as he did say that he needed a week during our last meeting. No harm in trying or maybe I should wait until that evil man has gone out of the country.

Back to the perfect opportunity. As my buddy stepped out to pay for bills, the seat in front of that braggart was left empty. There was a glass of water on the table. The door was right beside were the one that I disliked was seated. So I pass by and hit the water with my hand and exited the door, fast! He also reacted fast as I expected, hitting me with his hand to slap my butt and scream, "Why are you mad at me?", Going back to the glass front door, I signaled the dude that was with me that it was time to leave, and he stepped out and we went to another restaurant. After cooling off, I went back, sat down, and the braggart started explaining his defense, not knowing that I never said a word to anyone except my closest friend. The more he talked, as the confession with denial spilled out, after I established his motives with a question, he was ignored. The perfect opportunity was there and I took it - since he was making me lose face for the wrong he had done, I cannot accept the crap he will continue to do and he has to be stopped. It worked. 

Opportunities are positive ones and I take it when I see that there will be the response, and does make me live life to the fullest as what is here today may not be there tomorrow, right? Just because does work and thinking about things too much and control makes us get eaten up with stress inside. To show anger and speak up is better than bottling it up as that leads to a heart attack. To show affection and care with little things such as a touch and talks make bonds stronger. To say things does work especially to the people we love and care for. Things do count and doing things 'just because' does work in our favor. 

Sharing this video of Enya singing with her undeniable classic allure a song entitled, "Only Time" that was featured in the movie, Sweet November, that is worth watching.

Bagnet, Burgers, and More

Having escaped the heat at home for the past few weeks, it is back to more home stay for me. Yesterday was a Friday and my youngest and I went to this burger place outside BF Homes for lunch. We didn't get the biggest one as no way can we devour that, and the point of the trip was to try the burger and what made it a hit, and the price was just right. She ordered one of the classic burgers and I had a hotdog. 

So after enjoying and scrutinizing lunch, the verdict is, great and yet, the patty has extenders that is why it is soft and the onions are sweated not caramelized as those should be browned. The fries are good as those were made from real potatoes and the brown sauce dip of the hamburger was not necessary. 

Dinner today was hamburger made from ground beef with the addition of a tablespoon of the McCormick hamburger seasoning that I won. The yield of half a kilo of ground beef that costs 102 pesos can make 6 medium patties without extenders. If I will extended with the use of soft bread crumbs, per piece of bread can add one more patty and the results would be a softer burger. Note that placing eggs or flour as binders makes burgers tough. The right way to make a burger is with pure ground beef, forming it into a ball then flattening it to become a patty. Burgers are flipped only once while cooking and if the ground beef is excellent, it may be placed on a plate after cooking and covered with a heavy plate for around 5 minutes so that the juices to come out which is the secret of preparing a steak before serving. 

Instead of making french fries, I boiled those small potatoes that cost 36 pesos a kilo, scrubbing these clean and leaving the peel on and then frying it in a little butter. Chopped parsley may be added to the butter while cooking the potatoes for it to look and taste gourmet. 

After our Friday lunch, I went to my usual hangout to see friends then to the coffee shop, lingering until after 9 pm so that I may see my daughter at her work place and she treated me out. Checkpoint Rock Bar at Metro Star Mall serves the real Vigan bagnet with the correct siding and it's only 150 pesos. Each bite provides the perfect crunch and a variety of texture as there is the skin that pops like chicharon, the soft fat, and the dark brown meat with the incomparable goodness when it comes to flavor. Right now I have no stock of bagnet at home and though I can make bagnet, it is work intensive so at this price, it's actually far better to just to eat bagnet at Checkpoint as the meat serving is large and you'll be wanting extra rice!

                The Real Vigan Bagnet 

My daughter and I chatted at the 3rd floor terrace after dinner as there was a rock awards event and the music was loud, of course, and the place was getting full. 

I did have lunch at my usual hangout today, June 6, but skipped having a couple of scoops of ice cream with cone as this has been my "summer treat" lately as I decided to buy ice cream for the house as there was mocha in the 3 plus 1 ice cream and mocha was my Dad's favorite flavor, even if he is no longer around, as there was a time that we went hunting for mocha ice cream and there was none to be found! To make eating the ice cream more interesting, I have made available the almond slivers, chopped peanuts, mini-marshmallows, and semi-sweet chocolate chips which I use for baking and there are fresh mangoes also to use instead of bananas. If requested to make chocolate sauce, it'll just take a few minutes to make by mixing cocoa powder, powdered sugar, and milk. 

Happy as the lava brownies I made for the coffee shop are nearly all gone and our chocolate chip cookies are becoming a hit again and I was thrilled as these two dudes were having these with their iced coffee and they said it was delicious! As I see the cookie stock getting depleted, it makes me remember the years that those cookies made us enough income on school days and I am excited as there are a lot of my kids friends who miss our cookies and now they can buy these once again at Barako Haus near Pizza Hut, BF Homes! 

Reserved for Cookie Monster 

The challenge after eating out is to try to replicate the dishes at home. There are a lot of food items that I cannot cook though American dishes are easy to make. Cooking at home is cheaper and one can eat well, to the point that the food may be made to be gourmet even on a budget but there are restaurants that you can go to that has great food for less than 200 pesos such as Checkpoint in BF Homes and Samu Eats at Z-compound, Malingap St, Teacher's Village, QC, the Japanese restaurant of my daughter, Timi, that has been getting rave reviews. 

Pork Katsu Bento

Beef Ramen Curry

And, of course, to chill on those night outs, as drinking at home is a no-no for me, I do love going to Metrowalk in Ortigas to hang out at Fluids bar for a couple of cold beers like what my daughter, Maxi and I did on Thursday.

Stepping out to eat and drink is great and yet, keep in mind that eating well at home doesn't have to be gourmet. There are a lot of good food that you can make. Click this link to learn how to make perfect sunny-side up, scrambled, and boiled eggs. 

Herbal Medicine: Take with Caution

Trapped, I couldn't make a graceful escape and attended a wellness seminar today, June 5. The various products were made from herbs that have been used for healing and rejuvenation since time immemorial. Herbal medicine does work and nearly all medication in the drugstore contain a percentage that is botanical and/or mineral. Yet, taking such herbal supplements isn't a thing that one should just do as there are adverse affects when the dosage is wrong. Herbs have been used since ancient times to provide relief and cure by the village healer in all corners of the globe, and it's not a hit and miss, there has to be the proper formulation, the correct amount of intake, how often it should be taken, and the targeted cure. Though there are herbal beverages one can take for wellness such as green tea and ginger tea, there are still certain concerns when taking these, as it is not wise to go for unlimited drinking. Detox is the same, as cleansing became a fad, and this I tried, crumpling up in agony due to the husks in the formula and trying also those natural cleansing teas that had me running to the bathroom - it's not for me. Taking anything internally without any sound proof that it works is not advisable as I know this person that took a health supplement that was made with a combination of herbs and she went into a diabetic comatose. 

The safest way to take herbal supplements is to go back to the grass root remedies. Don't take chances with new formulations. For you and your loved ones to get well, obtain pain relief, treatment and a cure, my advice would be to take the tried and tested ones such Ayurvedic medicine and Chinese medicine, and follow the doctor's advice to the letter, keeping in mind that most prescribed medication contains botanicals and these have passed the standards. 

Personal Reflection

My grandmother lived until the age of 94. My grandmother, Pilar Locsin Dominguez, who we fondly call Mamaita is one of the most awesome people that have ever lived. She followed the doctor's instructions to the letter, even using an alarm to wake up every 4 hours to take a medicine if required to do so. She had a notebook that she used to jot down all meds, what it was for, and had a weekly chart that indicated which med would be taken, at what time, and she would tick this after she takes the med as she might forget that she did. She would have lasted longer though she was weak already, needing to hold someone when she was walking, and she told us that we cannot allow the doctors place that tube down her throat again so that she will live as. I remember when her sister, Adelaida Locsin Ledesma, my grandaunt who taught me how to bake and cook things with her inspirational precision and perfection, had gone into coma. I was driving my Mamaita to the hospital and she asked me what to do as the doctors had said that the only reason why my Lola Adelaida was still alive was because of the apparatus and the meds. I told my Mamaita that Lola Adelaida made sure she had enough money so that people will take care of her when she was sick and she had stated that, and we are not going to pull out the plug. She lasted 5 days longer than what the doctors had said.

These wonderful women are forever gone and my life is just a pale reflection of how fabulous and perfect they were. What I learned through the years is more that just their experience as they were both teachers, it was how to create a niche in life and a happy home. My Mamaita couldn't cook yet she did other things to reach out and touch people, making them think that they are her favorite, and when she passed away, all us grandkids were insisting that we were the favorite, yet I know I am because she gave me all her books and my Lola Adeliada's recipe boxes, cookbooks, and collectible plates, the things that they valued the most. 

It's assuring to know how much I was loved by my Mamaita.

And it's assuring to know how I will look when I get old.

The morning of the day she died, Mamaita asked to go to the hospital and they said there was nothing wrong with her. She slumped down on the table during dinner time in her home. I had felt a great weakness during that day and that afternoon had fallen into a deep asleep. As I heard my Dad's phone ring in and my parents conversation as it was loud, I sensed the trouble and when I was asked to go with Dad, I couldn't open my eyes as all I wanted to do was sleep and I said, "Let me sleep." A couple of hours later, I heard my Mom crying and she said to me that my grandmother was dead and that we have to go, and I said, "Let me sleep." as I couldn't move, I felt frozen on the bed and the need to rest was overwhelming. After midnight, I had to stand up to go to the hospital to make sure my father eats and to take him home as my Mamaita told me to always take care of him.

I will never forget the feeling that I had that time my grandmother died. It was like a wave of tiredness covering my body. My eyes were forced shut as I refuse to open them and it was a peace like no other in a warmth that enveloped. I had felt her dying and it's not a scary thing at all, it is a deep sleep and rest. 

I don't know how to end this post, so I will just end it by repeating what I stated about taking herbal medication with caution and saying that I have to rest now as in many ways, I have died inside. 

Reformatting the Brain

What is past is past. We can't erase the memories. These make us what we are. Yet, there are always changes that must be made for us to be constantly improving and in a way, we can reformat our brains. Reformatting should erase all the things that we did in the past that we are not proud of, going forward to a new and improved life. Sad thing is that sometimes people still keep in their mind the way we were before, thinking that we are this way when we are not. It's okay though it may hurt, we just have to understand and know ourselves.

Like the way tea leaves settle at the bottom of a cup, what happens daily even if it is routine is never the same. It's better to keep our cards close to our chest instead of laying them on the table as we may not change the deal anymore or bluff but then what we do in life is not a game. Being dead serious in most things I do maybe means nothing to other people yet placing importance is vital so that it does make the difference, don't you agree?

Like in baking cookies and making other food stuff, I repeat and repeat until the recipe is perfect, and reject batches. Concentrating on baking the other day while I was getting a whole load of endless nonsensical talk with negative vibes, I place on my headphones to be able to finish as fast as possible. Concentrating on writing, I wake up early morning and wait for that one moment of inspiration that will make the difference to what I write, instead of settling for mediocre. Waving things away, the small things that people do for you, isn't for me, such as a card that was drawn by my kids for Mother's day or the my former maid preparing with pride the sweet potato harvest from the empty lot beside our house, giving it the credit that it deserves for it to be special.

Though I sometimes fail, well, maybe more often that I would like to accept and see how things slip away, painful regrets of what could have been and what could be, reformatting the brain is not an option really, it's healing and repair. Holding my battle-scarred heart within, I think of the love of my life and how it had worked until the realities of life stepped in. Incomparable? Yes, the passion is the kind written in books. Realizing that life does provide other chances for such matters such as romance, which is available nearly everywhere, to present myself the right way does ignite it but then that is not what I want as to sustain things, it has to be there on an ordinary day.

Being emotionally tired and in physical pain from my arm and my feet aching from walking, stocking up on nuts to gain back some of the weight that I lost, tears again in my eyes knowing that there is not much respect nor appreciation for taking things seriously, it might be best to say that what I do sometimes is not 100 percent focused with the end goal of perfecting the recipe - and that is a whole load of crap. Shallow, mundane, endless talk instead of endless walks, how things can stagnate and breed mosquitoes, it makes me cry. I look up sometimes to a brilliant blue sky and this moment, right now, before the dawn to see that there isn't a cloud in the sky, and I dream on, rejecting the batch that doesn't have the perfection and going for the next attempt if it is worth it, though sometimes, it isn't worth it.

Don't cry with me. Come to me with moments to live. 
We dance and enjoy life as the sun and moon does shine.

New Relationship Rules Includes a Time Frame

Shocked when I heard about the rules of the relationship game now, I first argued the point with my daughter then after things were explained to me, I understood what it is all about. It's a good thing to know what the new relationship rules are as these are quite civilized.

Having been married based on who won the fight, it's a totally different ball game right now. As the brothers battled it out for me, it was the way it was, then. I have seen big fights as the guy who courts one girl go all caveman like and hey, it was fun to watch, and our class used to even know that one group will fight with another group so if there was a party, the bait would be set and as we watched, it was the special message being sent but it isn't that way anymore.

Check out these rules. These things are being done, indeed.

There will be no fighting over the person that two people are courting. I have seen this it happens. There was this young lady would walk around with 2 guys who are both courting her following her around and our comment was that soon, those two guys would be holding hands! LOL

A breakup will not be announced to everyone until 2 weeks has passed. Of course, I believe that such a break would be talked about with the best friends but to others such as parents and on their Facebook status, this cannot be changed right away. This two week period is given in case the couple will reconcile and as couples do fight and cool off, instead of being on-off and agitating everyone else with an announcement that "we broke up and are back again" it's going to be a while before an "official" announcement is made.

No one in the group is allowed to court the girl who broke up with one of their friends for 6 months. An invader who is not part of their social group may do so but whoever is interested in the girl has to place his emotions on hold and just be her friend but no dating on a one-on-one basis.

If the two that broke up are no longer friendly and civilized, there is no way that both can be invited to certain parties and events. If one will be impolite, pours out their woes and destroys the other person, that is talked about and it crushes that person in that social circle. Alignments will be made to include that of social media like Facebook, wherein one person may experience a massive delete as the group can and will interfere. This radical move is deliberate and rather destructive. 

There are people that enter relationships too fast and complain that they got used. There are relationships that are like a Nokia so it is user-friendly. There are those that are based on commitment. Then, there is that which is based on a spark. 

These new relationship rules were explained to me by someone who belongs to this more civilized generation and as per my analysis, relationships should be given a chance and there is more to loving that just respect, there time frame is created for the couple to get back together if they want to.

Just wanted to share one of my all-time favorite videos to end this relationship post on a light note.

Tough Cookies? Still Great!

What are you going to do with a bunch of tough cookies?
Dunk them in coffee or milk!

Yesterday, I made a small batch of cookies to fill two baking trays. I bake 3 trays at a time but this time, I wanted to measure the yield and do costing plus check how the new presentation will come out as instead of placing the chocolate chips on top like before when my daughters, Sarah and Maxi, would individually top each cookie, I had mixed the chocolate chips into the batter. It made it look like a conventional cookie though my youngest said it looked better and of course, these take a lot less time to prepare. 

The first tray I pulled out was soft and chewy, and crunchy at the bottom. I placed these on a plate and "tested" one then "tested" another for texture and taste. Yes, it is our awesome chocolate chip cookies and we are bringing them back due to insistent public demand. 

I wanted to make the cookies more brown on top, so for the next tray, I made the heat higher and baked it for a longer period of time. Upon cooling and packing these, I brought them to the coffee shop and saved a few samples for my friends. The first one who tested it said it was like a biscotti and super crunchy but the true test for me is not what the person does comment, it's how much they eat and as the cookie was being wiped out,I knew it was okay. Then, I gave one to a big friend of mine who looks like he is a cookie monster and he said it was tough. Ah, finally, the truth! I tried to break it and I couldn't snap it easily. So he resolved it by smashing it with the side of his fisted hand - and look how it turned out! 

Yo Pizza Cookie! After cracking up and my taking this once in a life time cookie picture, he got a piece and ate it. I left him to enjoy the home-baked cookie heavenly bliss and stepped out for a drag. When I came back, he pointed and said, "I nearly finished it." 

Tough cookies aren't to be thrown away as this batch isn't burned just browned. Still edible for people with teeth, if the person does have chewing problems, dunk it. 

From my kitchen to your home with love,
Cindy

What Life is All About

Today was a good day, filled with work from 4 am and then a nice leisurely afternoon. It was funny how I stepped out of my usual hangout where I seek shelter from the oppressive heat and when I got back, upon sitting down, I spoke to the guy beside me and he grunted, "Asleep." Got rave reviews about my brownies and cookies but since I haven't baked for a while, I am not too happy about these two batches so I gave some away, some for home, and some for my two daughters who want to come home. I miss them but it's just so right what they are doing, flying out of my nest and being independent.

It's been a blast this past couple of weeks hanging out with my chill friends. Yet last week, I decided to change my schedule as there are a ton of things to do, well I invent what I have to do to fill my day with productivity. I have been going home early except for Friday night when it was announced that an old friend that I haven't seen in a couple of years was going to the coffee shop I go to that night. Bonding moments are what life is all about.

Over the years, what I do know is that I do keep secrets. A number of people have poured out their heart to me and maybe that's why they feel close to me. I do try to listen and yet sometimes, I do wish I was heard, too, yet the best things in life isn't instant coffee, it's a long steep and brew.

Shutting Down

It's amazing how insecure I can become. I do forget a lot of things and by stepping back for a while, shutting down, the emotions stop overwhelming and then it's logical thinking. Goodness, smiling for a while seemed like an impossibility but now I can because I realized that if it is meant to be, it is meant to be. Stop struggling and as I give up and leave it to fate and destiny and all the rest of that jazzy words that make me simply believe that it is true as the forces of the universe align with such outpouring of positive things happens when smiles are shared. Being silly, wanting more, doing things that I should not be doing, I have to laugh at myself and then maybe, place aside what I think about as there is nothing I can do.

Interesting Standpoint

As what I want is in checkmate so that means a new game might be played in the near or far future, it's not a matter of just moving forward like I was a car, it's just standing still. My decision stands and that doesn't change as in my lifetime, there are some things that I just know. And what is real and what is shallow with loneliness as the sole motivating factor doesn't work at all.

Today I heard two confessions from two men who talked about how their relationships have come to an end. My statement has been the same for a while - I can be your friend because I am "In Labo" with someone.

Every day a great day to feel alive. It's awesome to be alive RN. 

Breathe, I Feel You

After a hundred thousand lies
The world stops upon seeing those eyes
Passionate, happy, elf mischievous, wise
Breathe, I feel you deep inside

Heart of mine longing for the time
A fleeting moment to feel you in the air
Holding onto every single word
Breathe, I feel you wanting me

In the now as our sync breathes
Together in the unlimited data
Nano particles uniting after time
No longer a repeat as it is real
Breathe, I feel you everywhere

Wrong to Be Real ?

As being true to oneself doesn't really work for many others who have difficulty accepting that people can be true, the transformation happens to meet the faces that we meet.

As much as all the trappings of society are totally like the banking system that makes money on your money and controls it and the safety it provides it tantamount to the greed it has to generate more, as we try to be a people pleaser, we encounter those who are displeased with what we say and even what we wear.

Do I have to act a certain way?

Life in Shorts, Jeans, and Tees

One Halloween I asked my client what his costume will be and he said he will go as an internet marketer. I saw the pictures of internet marketing gatherings and some wore shorts while the other events showed that the clothing was smart casual. I am an internet marketer so what I wear is our way to dress.

I have been digging through my cabinets to dress up as I have places to go yet now I miss my life in shorts. Not so very long ago, a nasty old woman that has a permanent frown told me off about my wearing shorts. I complied for a while but the other day, as I was wearing shorts, she made it a point to cut into the conversation I was having a number of times then I realized what the heck her problem was and it is that she wants the attention and I am competition on level ground and when I wear shorts or even a nice dress, I get attention. The thing is, I don't dress up for others though I dress to suit the occasion. That woman irritated me so much I wanted to snap but held my tongue as in reality, what I do is not the cause of her unhappiness, it is her trying to control everything around her because a sad thing happened to her that she cannot control nor accept which is that her child has a mental health problem. I don't pity her though as parenting required that the one with the problem has to be cared for the most and she might not have done that or the problem development was due to her disorder. My brother had delayed speech, had epilepsy, had low grades, and he got well and now is the strongest and the biggest among us and is successful with many people who look up to him. His achievements are because of us always believing in him and caring for him daily to the point that I would get yelled at for getting one of the 24 cups of gelatin reserved for him - and he did get well at the age of 11. If you see him now, you'll never believe that he was premature and was a blue baby, too.

We all have some sort of crisis in our life and my life in shorts and life being short isn't a hindrance, it's a challenge. Though I carry sadness that is overwhelming sometimes, I know that matters are beyond my control and acceptance is the best way to deal with it, no matter how difficult it is to accept.

Tears Fall

With all the ugliness in the world and the hurt that comes my way because I am me, I do try to change but it's tiring and sometimes not worth it for doing so for people who don't care for me as I fill an empty seat on the table is a waste of effort. The awful thing is that they do destroy things because of their talk filled with bitterness, hate, and complaints instead of doing something that will make the positive change they want. Tears fall today as it has lately and I am not ashamed to cry as this is me.

Control Check

I don't care if I am not understood, not wanted, and talked about because this is my life and I live it the way I want and am happy without the crap thrown my way which ruins my day so I keep away from those kinds of mean and ugly people that just complain about everything, creating issues, and go where I am wanted, respected, and cared for. Life is what you make it. Don't waste time with hurt only as the last martyr was Rizal.

Describe Your..

Hey! If those two words in the title triggered off your dirty mind, keep on reading! Ahahahaaha! Let's start. 

Texting. 

Hi. 

Hi babe.

I miss you.

I miss your mouth. Hehe

>>>®<<<

Conversation.

We have reached an agreement because when he saw the picture, he fell in love with my poodle. 

What? (laughter)

I mean he wants his poodle to mate with my poodle.

What? (group roars with laughter)

Next conversation. 

Our poodles are going to get married?
No.

Huh? You mean just sex without commitment? 

He leaves the room.

(a snicker is heard)

Next conversation. 

Ah, my poodle said she would like be just friends first?

You mean get to know each other?

Yes. 

Okay.

Our poodles have still to meet! hehe 

>>>®<<<

Reposting off Instagram

My answer: The Secret
Other answers: Gone With the Wind and Transformers
Best answer: Iron Man because there is Iron Man 1, 2, and 3

Life Cannot Be Edited

In the desire to fix matters so that mistakes can be erased, the reality that life cannot be edited steps in, and the only way is to remove the hurt and pain inflicted is by forgiveness.

There is a point in time that I want to stop trying but until I see that all is okay, I do not. Then, the willing ear to listen starts shutting down upon the tales of lost people that stand on the ground of "I cannot." in such a manipulative manner that their weakness makes them think that life would be handed to them on a plate. Though these people are beautiful, I shudder to think why their relationships would end hold such a level of hate. Though I have ended relationships, the note was not on the material aspect, and even my last long one had said to my lawyer that he recognizes the help I had given him. As pleas and bargains are made, utter dependence of person who acts like they are helpless is something that loses sympathy fast, as pity turns to disgust. What I see is that the level of hate is so strong for an ex, that is will be a wipe out because the love turned to the material aspect. Give some respect for the other person and then respect for oneself, struggling is good for the soul as trying one's best to stand up, independent, is worth doing. Staying down and dependent is a lousy choice as people will step all over you, and happens as it is allowed to be done. As my daughter Maxi, had said when we were talking about the situation of this woman who allowed herself to be enslaved, "A man will only treat you that way because you allowed him to." and this applies to most relationships.

As one of the pilot mediators as trained by the Philippine Judicial Academy, the first thing that we do to reach a settlement to sort out the issues is to establish that the two parties will agree to try to agree. In a court case that can be settled such as that of domestic problems and monetary issues, there will be a series of talks. Once a party refuses to talk anymore and holds their ground, the case will be returned to court as there will be no agreement. Forgiveness and reconciliation comes about by airing out issues and though it typically starts with point-blaming, if the parties are both sincere in fixing the issue that affects their peace of mind, the cost of the court case, and affects their families and society as a whole, then things can be worked out. People who settle are happy as they might not have gotten exactly what they wanted but the hurt goes away as forgiveness comes in.

Life cannot be edited. We can't change the past and whatever happened then is part and parcel of us being us. For relationships to really mend, there must be trust and as I said before, as complex as human beings are, for many, Trust is a condom that can be bought from a drug store, and basically, the lack of trust comes from fears of what happened in the past experiences, not necessarily with the person but based on the way others had treated them, and what the person has done but since the trust is gone, we hold our sorry hearts to protect ourselves but from what? Being hurt again. 

Such is life. It can't be edited. But we can go on and embrace life and all that it has to offer as things can be enjoyed along with the down time that comes with it as that is the glory of living. As after all, when it comes to relationships, the ones that shakes your roots does caress the leaves in the sunlight, as there is no height without down, like the ebb time. so embrace it. Today, write the story well so there won't be any need to edit yet if editing is required, try again tomorrow, if there is a tomorrow as the opportunity may no longer be there, as we only have today, as right now, this moment, is our life.

Smile and go for it. The world is out there for you to make the most of it. Leave the edits for the mistakes and dance. 

When Epic Fails Work Out

We cannot control a lot of events, it is just our reaction that makes the difference and that we can control. Things do happen and like what happened to my dog Nala Pippin, a Jack Russell-Shihtzu, when she realized that life is full of surprises, as she was so excited to go out and turns around to wonder, "Hey, what you sticking up my butt?"

After a couple of epic fails in attempting to handle the tasks that I inherited, it is time to sit back and study these matter again. I do have a rich investor who would say yes easily since he is like family but as our policy would have it, we refuse to ask him for money unless it is utterly necessary. Business is different and the people that we love who help us are not a financing arm.

It's so unbelievable sometimes that things do go my way. Simple wishes like to have a cake for my birthday happens without my asking anyone for it. People knock on the door of my house with gifts, unexpected, much appreciated. In my life, I do remember a lot of things and it's the generosity that is not measured by the value of the gift but the effort placed into making my day much brighter that is truly the essence of the gift.

I wanted an investor for the project in mind and one suddenly appeared but it went astray, an epic fail. I have no sadness about it because the money was never in my hands so it can't be lost as we can't lose what we don't have, right? The other epic fail was the hope to be able to claim some money but then again, I wouldn't have remembered it was there if I didn't talk to the guy yet what peeved me off the most was the fact that I had to bring this transaction to my mother and it was all squat. In both instances, I realized that even if I had "conjured" them, I was talking to the wrong people and keep close the ones I care for and keeping away the ones that are not trustworthy. These couple of epic fails took a short time to be realized and it's a good thing to know, early in the game. Relaxed, I end my day fulfilled that I tried my best.

As corny as it sounds, loving, caring, inspiring, and motivating someone provide the wind beneath their wings. To do so takes nurturing, effort, and going that extra mile. Then, once they have flown, strong and free, and no longer need me in their lives, I can stop and the return home, to my friendship, to a love that was once there, should be voluntary. I do not ask or demand as it is always better when it is not asked for, keeping in mind that we are all ships that travel the sea, some cross our path and some travel with us in the same direction, and what matters is how I light up their way.

Today I stop as the epic fails are too irritating, taking up my time and focus. What I did realize is that I can still throw a wrench to stop gears from moving and that what people think that what I can do because of who I am is an illusion that is highly effective because, in fact, I am nobody, they just want to think that I am and I must remember to bow. For what pushes me to greater heights, what brings me up is not what I do, not who I am, not what I have achieved or can achieve, knowing how to grab opportunity while it is there as that time may not come around again, the luck that follows me and the people that I love - and all of it is due because of people who are the wind beneath my wings and that keeps me going as for every epic fail, there might be another! 

Work at Home Mom WHAM

Not all women have the luxury of having a man to take care of all their needs and even if they do, there should be a form of independence to not make the burden heavier for their partner - and what is more important, as there are those men that can afford to give a woman everything - is creating a niche for oneself.

"Is this my life, Cindy?" This question was when a woman that had quit her job when she got pregnant on the urging of her husband. "Is it to baby talk the whole day? To change diapers? To devote my life to my child? I had a career and now I am stuck" I stared at her, thinking that it was her decision, yet I understood where she was coming from. "I feel you.", I said, remembering that when my youngest was a toddler, her father wanted me to quit my part-time job and my answer was, "If you will give me the money I can earn, I will quit."

Finding work outside the home isn't sometimes an option. I had made the choice to stay at home and not get a regular job. I have always been a WHAM (work at home mom). The kids were still growing up and my nephews and nieces were always around as their parents had to work. For the longest time, it was a riot at home, with them clambering up the sofa, running around playing, catching birds to place one in the beta max rewinder, one turning the fax machine into a coin bank, them chasing cats with their pellet guns, and the all-time favorite when they decide to become wrestlers and the mattresses were place on the floor and they would pummel each other. There was always some sort of activity in the house because I had to keep up to a dozen kids busy like drawing and painting to include their writing on the walls and chairs, and then one day I saw them place the youngest on a leash while she was acting like a dog. One of the most memorable was the time I entered the room as the shrieks of laughter was at an all-time high, and then my son said to me, "Mom, we made snow!" while my little Maxi and Timi were yelping, "It's snowing, it's snowing." as my son stood up on the bed holding the large bottle of baby powder to create the snow while the others were sliding on the floor like they were ice skating. Staying at home does have advantages and these are the times that we spend with our children for them to have the strong foundation provided by our love and care.

For many years, I cooked and baked for a living. Years ago, I was selling my bagnet at 700 pesos per kilo, apple pie at 600, our enormous leche flan at 350, cookies at 25 to 30 pesos each, yielding from my kitchen only items that are incomparable to gain repeat customers. Three days after I gave birth to Sarah who is now 21, I had to make leche flan to supply the grocery near by and for each large leche flan I made and sold, I had enough money to cover the ingredients for the next one to make and to buy a small box of milk and that time, a small pack Kimbies disposable diapers which was enough for my baby for that day. I also sewed things to sell such as stuffed toys and made curtains and beddings. The walls of the home is not limitation, it is the place where I can dictate my time, rest when I want to, do what I love to, and place my family in priority while working. Then around 12 years ago, I went online and started writing. This became my career until now.

The drawback happened a couple of years ago when I developed carpal tunnel syndrome. I would be dropping a plate, screaming in pain when I changed a light bulb, and there was once a sharp long pain in my upper right arm that would bring me down on my knees while I was just walking in the living room. I called up my internal-med neurologist that had piled me with so much flowers when I was still single that I had to make him stop, telling him that I don't eat flowers to get long lunches and dinner instead, and he when answered the phone, he was worried as I haven't talked to him for years. "What's wrong, Cindy? You're lucky you got to contact me here at my old office as I seldom drop by. Tell me what is wrong, are you sick?" I started crying, "I need to see you." After which I got a series of questions. "Get this kind of x-ray and bring the results to me" I was still crying as he told me that I could not never sew again. "I am in pain." was my answer. "Do I really need an x-ray? What can I do now to stop the pain?" He answered, "When I see you, I will immobilize your wrist and place it in a cast. You have go to stop crying as you can't sew anymore, use the computer the way you do, and stop doing all the things I told you to. Buy a wrist brace and take this med. Call me tomorrow if it worked or not." It did work and I got well for the longest time but now the pain is coming back so I save my writing for books, blogging that helps me relax and put information out there, and the regular job that I have.

Working at home did sustain my family for many years. Now that my youngest is 16, I go offline more often, ready to face the world and take the challenges that it presents to earn money for I am nearly done with the most important job of my life which is that of being a mother.

If you ever feel that staying at home is cramping your style, that the daily chores and taking care of the kids make you feel that there is something missing, I feel you. I hope that someone will be encouraged by what I wrote and if you want to start being more productive, you might want to join contests and get free stuff by getting the information you need the blog of my friend, Mary Jane Dionela, who is just like me, a work at home Mom that was able to find her niche. Click this link to find contests and freebies.

Keep in mind when you are down, dreams do come true. Focus and work towards that goal. Post it on your wall like the law of attraction thing then work on it with all your might so it will come true. This will work, not just for women but for all people from all walks of life. Don't let circumstances control you - break free and make your life something more than long.

Missing Life

In a world that we can create, we are not hampered by the circumstances. It is what we do to make the changes that we want in our life, it's what we do to achieve what our goals are, and what we do to make each day filled with love and life instead of the kind that passes by as we mop the floors. 

Today, May 25. Waking up in the middle of the night after having crashed early is going to make a mess of my plans. It's going to be another awfully hot day later. Not looking forward to doing any chores, I had zipped and done stuff earlier so there is more time to work when I wake up but now, at 1:30 am, I am awake and thinking doesn't get to achieve things, proactive solutions are required. But it's going to be so hot and life will pass me by if I spend an extra minute mopping floors and be at other people's beck and call. I have to step out because being online for too long, the changes has to be made. Resources are online for now yet that's because this is what I have established. Doesn't mean that resources aren't out there, will just have to find those. 

I can still almost hear my Dad's voice. After over a year of his passing away, he still pulls through for us. "Thanks, Dad.", I sometimes think, "For leaving me everything." All include the problems which aren't small at all and there are times that I should push harder to find the investors, get the capital, make the business plans - and I don't because of the struggle which I don't believe in because if the path is easy, that's the one that I will choose as it is open and I see the goal. The daily grind wears me down as another bird has flown from my nest from the nastiness that abounds, the hurtful words, the selfishness and doing what I must and only that, as I don't have to live with that, too. 

Traumatized by the past as alarm bells rang clear last week when a level of abuse was being attempted to be inflicted of someone that I love, seeing red, remembering why I had left that last long relationship. No court of law may do what the person deserves so the wringing begins to end pride and power that creepy people have derived from their ghoulish ways. Not by talk and yapping away as the enemy does with all their lies, making themselves appear spotless and me as a frantic nut case and inform the network that has been establish to cut off relations so no income and friendship would come from any of us, only silence. Leave them grasping at straws until the end of their lonely lives. 

Anger for me is a good thing only when directed properly. People dance through life with their words and noting that there is no value placed in what my needs are instead the direction is for what they want in their life, no sycn, short end of the stick, People do listen and move based on the truth.  

Going to where I am wanted provides solace that includes being needed and laughter. As for friendship is filled with moments to live, no judgement call, just acceptance, no need to act in a certain way for the decorum that society dictates with a proverbial frown on her face, letting my hair down is a form of escape to not be missing life, not being made to wait for a promise that has never been spoken as if I was a mind reader, though thinking back, ah, maybe I should smile and stay though I am loving the impulsive times with friends to go to hang out in one place and then another and escalating the bond so friendship gets stronger as the story continues with the cool, laid back attitude of the cool mountains so it's good to hang around, linger, share and come back. 

It's desert storm time. What do you want in life? Missing life and all that it has to offer won't happen if you take it, take the steps to get it, own the day to get rid of the mediocrity. My back slightly aches from the mundane, repetitive tasks, robot-like in nature and I will have not part of that, finishing what must be done and to live today, going back to sleep to meet the challenges along with the heat, making life happen and not waiting as it makes no sense at all to have regrets. Makes me think that I may not be lucky in love though my love is lucky. I now will go back to sleep knowing that the changes will happen and dream to change the story ending (spoiler alert!) of the movie, "Same Time Next Year" as in the end, she never was able to go back to be with him again though the stolen moments was enough. I so love to hate this movie yet so love the song. 

Song of Yi Ji

Feel the heartbeats racing.

Heed that momentary glimpse.

Makes unbridled passion alive

While being half-alive

Let down as eyes are closing

Not to show the ;longing and yearning,

Stay longer and let’us leave

Extend the time and be mine

Hold me with you eyes

I can't look any longer

I just want to run away and hide,

It has never felt so good

Seeing in my mind's eye

The talking, the hurting,

Let us brush aside the pain

By being together once again

Spend the countless hours,

Daily trivial pursuit and continue

See this through by being there

Just by being there for me.

Tears form in my eyes

Fearing that it might not happen

The minutes turn in days

Of endless running away

Over and beyond what is,

May you be mine?

Even part of the time

Like for the lonely long nights

Run away with me, my heart

Come to me, I await

Hold me in your love

Let us stop the hurt.

Be mine to care for

Feel the true tenderness

How it is to be loved

Adored and pampered

Don't say nay

For it will last

As our souls know

This time is ours

Set aside the pain

No longer be tired

Take shelter in my arms

To our love divine

It is you and always

Has only been you

No one else can compare

Come back in my arms

Let me caress you

Until the dawn comes

Sweetly, again and again

Gentle, soft, hushed touches

Until we fall asleep

In each others arms

Forgetting about all else

As the heart beats become one

Stop Struggling

Do your best and things will work out if it's really for you. Sounds kind of lame though encouraging. The reality is that we struggle, have a difficult time, feel sad, feel oppressed, presented with our limits, wondering when we will reach our goal, wondering why life can sometimes be so difficult.

Faith, trust, hope - these words seem overrated, overused in times of trouble. When the point in time is the darkest searching for the light at the end of the tunnel, we see a glimmer that appears and then it moves, could we have been fooled?

We close our eyes and even in the darkness there are spots, circles, the colors appear. We may introspect and see light in our mind's eye, the third eye opens and the world changes. It's over, the feeling is like it's so over - yet then once we stop struggling and let go, we will realize that it is not the end of the world, there is tomorrow.

Feeling a couple of raindrops, looking up to the overcast sky, hoping that the rain will fall but it does not fall at all. Losing something is akin  to dying, the blessed reason for living is to feel the passions of the heart, isn't it, instead of the lost zen of peace? The peace that comes with acceptance of the situation will set us free. Holding on means that it is precious. When you set it free, it will come back if it is yours.

Misty Dream of Far Away

Misty Dream of Far Away

As the touch had held me tight, 

Through the night my dream's delight

To be flung far away,

As a misty dream of yesterday. 

The turmoil of the storm, 

Turns to become the endless sea

Holding fast, the winds whip the mast, 

Holding fast for the calmer sea. 

So flows the sea into forever, 

The bottle adrift to land on the shore, 

Uncorking the bits and pieces 

That make the misty dream of far away. 

The storm has passed, 

The notes have been read,

The sea is calm

To dream in the mist.