Bailey: Her Spirit Came Back

On June 30, 2015, my pet dog, Bailey, a toy poodle, was put to sleep. It was a decision that I had to make and in her critical state and the pain that she was in the night before, it was the best decision to make. 

Bailey at Casa de Carlo, Tagaytay

Though my heart is not heavy from having to decide, what my children had feared the most of how I will be affected when I do lose her, did happen and having been missing her so much since that day, I saw her in my dream state before I woke up. 

I saw Bailey when she young and healthy. She had a limp leg for a long time due to an accident. The Bailey that I saw walking into the living room from the open yard door was when she was most beautiful. It lasted for just a few seconds and I know she is here in my home, continuing to be with me. I bring flowers to her grave, she was constantly with me as I brought her as often as I can as she loved going out. 

With tears streaming now, I do miss my Bailey. She starts my day as we step out into the street and when it is late afternoon. She has so many people who know her by name and she was called a good and well behaved dog who never barks when we are out. She guarded the house, sounding intruder alerts twice, and that was able to save us. 

Bailey saved me from loneliness. She gave me happiness, unconditionally. I was able to give her a happy life and when I took her home from the first vet check that day she died, after I gave her the pain reliever, she was wagging her tail, and she did so a number of times when I called out her name while she was in her dog bed. When she refused to drink and was beginning to flop in my arms, I rushed out of the house, carrying her wrapped in a t-shirt in my arms. As we went to the vet, I could feel her fading away, and I knew I was losing my beloved pet. Silently screaming, I was in pain as I felt her life going away as I carried her in my arms and when we got to the vet, I gave up, let her go. I let her go and I couldn't be in that room, not inside, standing outside with tears falling, pacing. Taking her home in a box, a sympathetic man who also lost his dog that day, did the task of digging and burying her. I bring flowers to her grave, walking around the area to pick a couple, and yes, today, she is here back in my home, as she does have a soul, a spirit, as she was alive. 

Letting go is difficult. There is no one or no dog that can take her place. I can say that I am happy to have her as part of my life - and I miss her so much that it aches. I love you, Bailey. 

Bailey with my daughter, Sarah, who owned her.