Making the Effort

We think that when we do make the effort, the person would reciprocate. Oftentimes, this isn't the case. So, the thing to do is to relax and let things come naturally, as it is when attention and other things are freely given that we will know that the person does care for us.

Many times we desire that the one we like does like us back. There are those who do and are controlling - and we might have fallen into the trap where we experience being bewildered, confused, and we have to keep on trying to please that person. That trap is lined with pain - and that isn't love, it is simply a control thing, keeping one in a state of obligation and then to note that we have to do more on our part to keep the relationship going, being burden by "guilt trips" and statements that are belittling. Though support might be there, it is rather conditional, and so in trying, we lose ourselves.

Desperate. I know someone who at the point of feeling low about how the relationship turned out, grabbed a hold of someone who paid attention and had the right words to say. The one that was liked was way below the standards and so in the end, when the relationship was force ended as the realization dawned that it won't work out and that the person was a user, the regret is there. Words are empty and actions does speak louder than words though there are words that must be said, such as apologies and commitments.

Is it worth it? There are many relationships that simply fall into place. The comfort level is there. When one tries to level up the relationship, it might not happen as the other person may not have the same thing in mind. At that point in time, even if it is worth it, one has to keep the dignity and if the person does want a different kind of relationship, it can happen, but not because we are the ones making the effort, the effort has to come from the other person.

One of my daughter's once posted in their Facebook status that I, as a mother, had never clipped their wings. I firmly believe that to love someone is to set them free, as they have their own lives, and to be part of mine must be voluntary, because they want to be with me, not because I demand or oblige them. This goes for most relationships that I have, and it is most lovely when it does happen and the person is there for me.

Making the effort. When we hurt, we must assess. How much effort have we made for the relationship to work out? What effort has the person placed into making us happy? What are the compromises, sacrifices, and is the commitment real? Then we will know, as we stand away from the pain inflicted, that though we hold our hearts to protect ourselves, there are relationships that are good, supportive, and do not include pain.