Song of Yi Ji

Feel the heartbeats racing.

Heed that momentary glimpse.

Makes unbridled passion alive

While being half-alive

Let down as eyes are closing

Not to show the ;longing and yearning,

Stay longer and let’us leave

Extend the time and be mine

Hold me with you eyes

I can't look any longer

I just want to run away and hide,

It has never felt so good

Seeing in my mind's eye

The talking, the hurting,

Let us brush aside the pain

By being together once again

Spend the countless hours,

Daily trivial pursuit and continue

See this through by being there

Just by being there for me.

Tears form in my eyes

Fearing that it might not happen

The minutes turn in days

Of endless running away

Over and beyond what is,

May you be mine?

Even part of the time

Like for the lonely long nights

Run away with me, my heart

Come to me, I await

Hold me in your love

Let us stop the hurt.

Be mine to care for

Feel the true tenderness

How it is to be loved

Adored and pampered

Don't say nay

For it will last

As our souls know

This time is ours

Set aside the pain

No longer be tired

Take shelter in my arms

To our love divine

It is you and always

Has only been you

No one else can compare

Come back in my arms

Let me caress you

Until the dawn comes

Sweetly, again and again

Gentle, soft, hushed touches

Until we fall asleep

In each others arms

Forgetting about all else

As the heart beats become one

Stop Struggling

Do your best and things will work out if it's really for you. Sounds kind of lame though encouraging. The reality is that we struggle, have a difficult time, feel sad, feel oppressed, presented with our limits, wondering when we will reach our goal, wondering why life can sometimes be so difficult.

Faith, trust, hope - these words seem overrated, overused in times of trouble. When the point in time is the darkest searching for the light at the end of the tunnel, we see a glimmer that appears and then it moves, could we have been fooled?

We close our eyes and even in the darkness there are spots, circles, the colors appear. We may introspect and see light in our mind's eye, the third eye opens and the world changes. It's over, the feeling is like it's so over - yet then once we stop struggling and let go, we will realize that it is not the end of the world, there is tomorrow.

Feeling a couple of raindrops, looking up to the overcast sky, hoping that the rain will fall but it does not fall at all. Losing something is akin  to dying, the blessed reason for living is to feel the passions of the heart, isn't it, instead of the lost zen of peace? The peace that comes with acceptance of the situation will set us free. Holding on means that it is precious. When you set it free, it will come back if it is yours.

Misty Dream of Far Away

Misty Dream of Far Away

As the touch had held me tight, 

Through the night my dream's delight

To be flung far away,

As a misty dream of yesterday. 

The turmoil of the storm, 

Turns to become the endless sea

Holding fast, the winds whip the mast, 

Holding fast for the calmer sea. 

So flows the sea into forever, 

The bottle adrift to land on the shore, 

Uncorking the bits and pieces 

That make the misty dream of far away. 

The storm has passed, 

The notes have been read,

The sea is calm

To dream in the mist. 

No Can Do: Empowering Women

Enter relationships with trust then test to see the true colors. People can be deceiving with their ulterior motive being that of evil. Women are not victims as we are their mothers, sisters, daughters, lovers, wives, and friends. 

Keep alert

Not at all times would a man with bad intention show his hand right away. Most of the times, it comes in the guise of help. The target would be what your weakest spot is such as:

- the need for money

- the desire for a partner

- the wanting to be accepted

- not wanting him to be mad at you

- the need for help 

And, many more. As a woman, we are sometimes helpless. Yet, inside, we must gather the strength to stand up when wronged and discard the bait. You'll see the bait being dangled in front of you. "I have, I can, I will, if I want to." This is what some men who victimize women show and over-all, the 'if I want to' part is the controlling nature. 

"If I want to" 

Well, not at all times can us women get what we need and want from a man. Take note, there are some who do try yet can't really deliver. You'll have to weed out the real, the sincere, and the fake. See the motive and remember that you wear a skirt. Being pretty and attractive is an advantage yet it is also a weakness when we do not feel appreciated. Place aside the feelings for a while, do not base it on the "If I want to" of a man but instead be confident. Take a step back and objectively look at what your need and desire is then turn the table and think for your sake, the question is not if he wants but if you want to continue or stop. 

Too much hard sell

Like a used car salesperson, sometime there is too much talk for a man, too mush explanation, too much justification. then listen and think. Words sometimes spill out and then you'll see that there is not much room for doubt. Listen skills is something all people should develop then next would be studying the body language - then checking for mixed signals. 

Anger and control

It happens all the time in most relationships. The anger can be shown by saying it, by deprivation, by being ignored. Difficult as it seems, don't fall for it especially if you have not made any major mistakes. After all, we are but human and if unforgiveness is the way of life, say, "I can't go for that, no can do." 

Speak up 

Say what you want but please make sure that's what you want before stating it. It takes time to know what you want, not in a flash of desire, not in a moment, it must be a studied decision, like making a pros and cons chart. What is indeed what you want and what are the benefits that you are providing? Not just "friends with benefits" as it should ideally be a sincere relationship. Check your motives also. It is just for the help, the lack, the need? Then maybe it's just right when a man would say, "I can't go for that, no can do." depending on the situation and the intention. 

Rejection is part of life

We all get rejected. Take it in stride. Whatever doesn't kill you make you stronger, right? Sing that when you feel like crying. Cry when you feel like crying. Then wake up to the dawn of a new day and face the challenges head on because there are somethings that are so worth it and throwing in the towel is not an option. Yet, it is also possible that upon analyzing the situation, that you should thrown in the towel and say, "I can't go for that, no can do."

There are men that prey on women. There are men who respect and protect. There are men that stand by and do noting. As a woman, be like a man when in battle to defend and protect what you love. Keep a hold of your beauty when down. Treat people with tenderness so it shows. And when the abuse is starting, do not allow it to continue.

Listen and say it. "I can't go for that, no can do." Empower yourself. 

Those Casablaca Nights

White trellised walls intertwined with flowers. Piano music fills the air to turn into easy listening and jazz as the night gets longer though we are no longer counting the hours. No need to wait with open tab for my non-freezing vodka that bubbles from the soda, the moments have arrived within those white trellis flowered walls that we took outside to make the most of the nights. Our days were filled with work, my leaning forward to listen to his soft-spoken voice, following every word as with each affectionate look, my fragile heart could never break. The words were spoken in so many way, encompassing our world to be together as pillars of a temple. 

The dawn always seems so far away as we sit and linger to laugh during those Casablanca nights. There was never a need to be anywhere else as we were there. All others disappeared as these interrupted our moments and heedless of all else, no matter who was beckoning, the champagne was poured to take the place of the Stolich vodka that inhibits the inhibitor. Bubbling delight, a few sips, a toast to rather bitter champagne, pass the Asti Spumanti Martini and Rossi instead.

Simple pleasures, simple delights, times of quiet as we stare into each others eyes. To dare not look breeds more passion, to see the overwhelming power that holds and enfolds. The power was more, the allure was more, the energy was strong and made stronger with each deep breath that we take. For what is a touch but teardrops that slowly fall when there is longing. We dare not miss the call. 

Those Casablanca nights turned into days as the countless hours without each other was too mediocre, bland and tasteless, feeling empty as there is no gaze. 

Among the many whispers, promises were made to be kept for a lifetime of tenderness and gentleness. There was no mistakes, no hurt, no anger, just being. The music played for decades. 

"What do you want? Do you want me to destroy him?", the angry tones were subdued. "No.", was my answer knowing why his rage was going to hit as there was hurt. "What do you want?" prodding, asking, wanting. "We return to the way it was before." The pain was gone as he moved silently as expected to. Time passed and it was always sweet and warm. As he closes his eyes so I close mine to end the book of those Casablanca nights. 

Perfect Gooey Chewy Brownie

When I resurrected my oven, the orders included that of brownies which is a baked goodie I  had not perfected, then. I didn't even have the right sized brownie pan and other things such as the box, so stocking up, I baked quite a lot of different kinds of brownies using various recipes because, as stated in a former post, I was in search of the perfect gooey brownie.

Perfect Gooey Chewy Brownie

I had to make 9 brownies. Instead of mixing one brownie batter at a time, I made a batch for 9 as the batter base was the same. so I had to x9 the recipe which is actually saves me more time, energy, and washing up as it was just the toppings like the kind of nuts or if there would be extra chocolate chips that would make each brownie different. 

Now here comes the tricky part. Cakey brownies are easy to make, gooey ones with the middle part oozing with creamy goodness and the top crust being crunchy isn't that simple. Based on my research, the various methods to make the perfect gooey chewy brownie include:

Underbaking it. When the sides are done which can be checked by inserting a toothpick and it comes out clean but the middle is not yet done, take it out of the oven and let the heat finish cooking the brownie. I dislike this method as it should be properly baked and it also doesn't work that well because the sought-after edges do not have the gooey inside. 

Adding chocolate chips. Place in half the batter into the pan, add in a layer of chocolate chips, then cover with the rest of the batter. To make sure that the chocolate chips do not submerge to the bottom, use mini or small ones and coat these lightly with flour by placing these a plastic bag, adding some flour, closing the plastic bag with air inside, and shaking it. 

Reducing the number of eggs used. The typical brownie recipe requires two eggs to be use. Eggs add volume to a baked product and removing one will create a denser brownie though it will not have a gooey center. 

Mixing until batter is shiny. Brownies don't take long to mix but adding extra strokes until the batter is glossy and shiny will result in the crispy crust. Mixing should be done by hand or at low speed.  

Reducing or omitting the leaveners. Most brownie recipes call for the addition of a leavener like baking soda. Leaveners make the batter lift and become more cake-like. Reducing or omitting the leavener will make the brownie more dense. Now, if you find a brownie recipe that you like to be cakey and there is no leavener in the ingredient list, it is safe to add one teaspoon of baking soda. 

Using oil, butter, or margarine. I prefer to use butter or butter-flavored margarine and extend the baking time by a couple of minutes yet using canola oil and other kinds of oil is also good for making brownies though the brownie will be more dry and cake-like. Melting the butter or margarine is the thing to do but not until it separates. Some people use half oil, half margarine. 

Now that you have the tips on how to make the perfect gooey chewy brownie, let me show you our one-of-a-kind brownie.

Brownies like a Lava cake

Perfect Gooey Chewy Brownies

Awesome, aren't they? These taste even better than they look. My daughter's friend ended up stealing one that was meant for someone else and upon his confessing to me that he had done that, he was begging me to make more!

I had made the perfect gooey chewy brownie. The recipe is top secret as my grandaunt who taught me how to cook and bake said, "Never give away the recipe of something that you make money from." 

If you want to order, tweet @cpdominguez 

Men with More Wives Than One

"It's unfair!" said my friend with a deep frown on his face, "Why isn't it that way anymore nowadays?" The discussion was about how the ancient Romans used to treat women in such a way that they can have any woman they want, in a grab and let's do it manner. I guess maybe that's why those ancient Romans kept on fighting among themselves?

In another discussion that was expounded on the following day about men with more wives than one, it was biblical based. It was about Solomon and how he had 700 wives and let's put aside for a moment the 300 concubines. If one will compute based on the number of days in a year which is 365, then he would have to service at least 2 a day? Since the total amount is 1,000 women, that means Solomon will be quite busy 3 times a day? LOL! My goodness, with so many women to deal with, it is still a wonder he was so wise?

Then there is another biblical character which is David who also had more wives than one. David did in turn set up the husband of the woman he wanted who was Bathsheba, to send the guy off to battle to die so he can have her as a wife. Great move. 

Closer to home, in the south, there was this man who held a political position that also more women than one, according to the insider story. This man would buy each a house and support them, and sleep in one house then another the next night. Yah right, Apparently, he got away with it and his bait was a home and support. 

People do sometimes "make kapit sa patalim" meaning that they hold on to the sharp edge of a knife. This is done in order to survive. Yet, it is a compromise. Money has a power to make a person give up their principles, integrity, and it is said that it is the root of all evil - though it is the love of money that is the culprit. We see people amass fortunes at the expense of their constituents, at the expense of other, and in the end, one can't take it to the grave anyway. 

Many women choose a man to be their partner based on more reasons than love. That is a wise decision yet I have spoken to a lot that say after many years, their making the right choice isn't enough. I got a call after dinner from a woman crying about her husband, how he has to change because he plays around and she had two kids, so I told her, focus on the children and work it out with him. 

Work on it. Find a middle ground. Fix the differences. I can't imagine how a man can have so many wives when one is more than enough to handle! Is it the variety? The dissatisfaction must be there or the only thing that is on their mind when they see their "wives" is what is between their legs. 

Faithfulness is a decision like most of the other things that that are important in a relationship. Sure, the eyes of man will stray and appreciate when they see Elizabeth Hurley! The real essence of a relationship goes beyond the looks, beyond the sex, forgiving always, and trying to make it work, daily. It is the commitment to keep the commitment, typically bound by a contact but does not necessarily have to be, and that kind of decision will make the relationship last. 

Too serious?  Okay, then. Ehem. Cough.

Three men were stranded in a desert island for a long, long time. Two of the men finally wandered off to inspect the other parts of the island. That two came back, excited, and one said, "Hey, there are a lot of orangutans at the other side. I made out with one of them." The other man also said, "Yes, I made out with an orangutan, too, and it was great. You should try it, dude." The third guy who was left behind was shocked but since he hasn't had sex for so long, he decided to go to the other side of the island with the two men. Upon reaching the place where there was a group of orangutans, he grabbed the nearest one and started making out. 

Then he heard gales of laughter from the two men while he was in the act. After he was done, he went to them and asked why they were laughing. And one answered, "You just had to pick the ugliest one! Bwahahahahaha!"

Today, I had the displeasure of dining with a man who showed his hand to prove to us that he was a louse. The air reeked with his loud voice aghast that he got exposed when the host, my daughter and I pinned him down on his creepy ways, He was in a hurry to leave, stood up, bolted out the door, paid for the bill, so dinner was never finished. Yehey. I am still thinking if I should tell him off one more time but then he had already lost face, though I might to stop him from trying to pull off another stunt ever again, That man is the kind of man that will make out with the ugliest orangutan or any orangutan for that matter because he says, "Don't leave your wife, just add to them."

Men with more wives than one. So what's that piece of paper? It's a contract. So what's it without a piece of paper? It's a deal, a promise, a commitment. In business, not all contacts are delivered to the utmost satisfaction of the parties yet it is still binding. Contacts, deals, promises, can be dissolved when one backs out or both agree to finish it and the same applies to relationship. This I firmly believe should be strong enough to make it last though my personal belief is that a timeless relationship is based on the red string of fate.

Good Morning Starshine

No, don't go, it's a cruel world out there, you know! The warning was heard and left unheeded as when we go on with our life, the fear of what is out there should not hold us back.

To pack up and leave has been an option. Abuse comes in many forms. The drilling, grilling kind of a miserable, greedy life even when times was plentiful emits powerful negative vibes. Speak not of the ongoing projects, speak not of prospects, speak not of much except trivial matters that may also be cut down. Oppressive, as the happiness lies on what material things can buy and has been so for years, the burden is not so much the cost but the lack of contentment verbalized and if ever the matters would be listed down, it would be reviving the pain.

Started doing mundane, repeated tasks, and hearing the words of the one prodding that is merely observing, saying "I'm lazy, it's too hot, I can't afford it, it's going to be tiring.. "  and more to start my day was making things much heavier that they really are. Deciding to shrug it off, which apparently hasn't really happened as I am writing this, a relaxing afternoon break and a few hours of work before a celebrating the birthday of a friend was the way I spent the rest of my day. 

There was this guy at the party who we heckled along with the other dudes who were trying to set up the laptop to the TV to the sound system. Upon seeing the way he moved, then his taking the effort to pour out my drink, open the door, and do other things such as call up the other people to arrive, as some of us stood at the parking lot, I noticed the bandana on his head to cover up the baldness. When he moved away, still talking on his cell, I asked another friend quietly, "Is there something wrong with him?" and the answer was "Yes, he has cancer." As we moved back inside, he again opened the door for me and I said, "Hey, you're all-around help here!" as I saw him a few days ago carrying the TV. He answered, "Yes, I am doing a lot of things and I am sick." I stared at him and said, "Don't mention it." He smiled.

Mind over matter. What you don't mind doesn't really matter? What you do mind becomes a mountain that is more difficult to overcome. The world can be cruel, it may be a one-way street.

No, don't go, it's a cruel world out there, you know!

The burden? Greed. Materialism. Vanity. It's empty, that misery.

I am not afraid. I am not half-alive. I know what I value and it cannot be counted as it is immeasurable and priceless. As the sun and moon rises, should I bury my face in my hands to find solace for such is sacrifice yet for what? To fill the need? The night sky always changes. The stars move as they are supposed to. There's sunset and there's the dawn.

Mandarin Palace BF Homes: Just So Love the Food

We dined at Mandarin Palace located in BF Homes the other night. I have dined there a few times before and the last couple of times was with the owner who I had met at the neighboring bar, Mito's Place. The night we met was regaled with fun and after my saying that I like Chinese beer, he called his waiter to bring over to Mito's place 6 bottles of Tsingtao which is manufactured with German technology. I was delighted by his generosity and called over to our table Dom Ladrido, a friend of my daughter, to give him a couple of bottles for their table after asking for permission to share it because there was no way to consume all of it! Dom, as polite mannered as he is, accepted the drinks with a profusion of thanks and then promptly joined us. As I looked at the tall green bottle which is a challenge to take, I poured a glass to reveal in the crisp, clear taste of this Chinese beer. Good company doesn't make me drunk yet I still had to lessen my intake because I know that Tsingtao kicks! 

Upon wandering into Mandarin Palace to say hello to the owner another night, he gave me different kinds of soimai and to ask me to join them for his farewell dinner the next day. Upon being asked what I wanted to drink, I said Johnny Walker black though I truly prefer champagne. The next day, the bottle was there, lying on the table, so I called Mito Barretto, the owner of the neighboring BF Homes bar to tackle the bottle as I am only good for a couple of shots! The food was ordered, scallops and other fresh seafood, and then I requested for rice, and since the owner is from Fookien, it had to be something I haven't tried so what was served was Fookien rice which is quite good. What I like about the owner is that he is such a pleasant, unassuming, jolly fellow and that he accepted my offer not painstakingly make sure not to over order. 

The dinner the other night started with different kinds of soimai and yes, my favorite chicken feet. When I was asked to order anything I want, I asked for just half a Peking duck which got me yelped at the next day by my uncle who said I didn't know how to order as these are not our standard favorites, making me wish that I had my Chinese friend with me who knows how to order as that made my food experience at Shi Lin one of the best ever. Right, so after being laughingly admonished by my uncle I should order pata tim? 

Peking duck triggers many pleasant food memories, being introduced to the different ways by my uncle and attorney, Dante Carandang, the time we celebrated a birthday with David So, a friend of my father at a Chinese restaurant in a hotel in Roxas Blvd where the mango sago was like a dream, and when we had it with the owner of Via Mare who had complained that expensive Chinese restaurant should at least place gauze on the calamansi. The last time I had Peking duck, it came from Peking, a gift from an old friend who is a pilot. It was in a large bag and there was sauce. This food experience is so worth repeating. 

 Half a Peking Duck 

 One Way

Or Another

The Peking duck is Mandarin Palace is served 2 ways and since it is me who is dining, there must be a 3rd way which is "I Did It My Way" like that song by Frank Sinatra.  

When dining at Mandarin Palace BF Homes, I recommend that you do order the Peking duck which is excellent and any item on the menu as these will surely please you. I love their soipao as it is super large and filled to the max, the hopia, and the congee, and frequently take these out. When I chatted with a friend of mine last week at Tropical, he pulled out the menu of Mandarin Palace from pocket and said that the hototay was great which is what I will try next time I go there as this dish is the standard favorites - and in complete disregard of my uncle admonishing me, I will still order something new from the menu to add to my food experience. 

Clearing the Cobwebs

A quiet Friday, starting the morning with my dog sitting on my lap as we linger outside the house. The sun shone hard and it felt just right. Focusing efforts on right-minded tasks to clear the cobwebs of my mind. Time went by slowly, no rush, relaxed, and then off to a long, nice nap. I rose, and my newest pet turned on her back for her tummy rub - and I smile - to cradle her in my arms to look at the moon and stars later. 

Rejuvenating

Feeling drained from yesterday as what I got was mixed signals, though work was pushing forward, the feeling was that to run away rather than deal with the mess I created. The harsh words, the silence then my wondering why in heaven's name do I still try, swallowing my pride, staying and waiting for a sign. A startled rush to move, a turned back, no laughter, just the voice of controlled anger and to my dismay, a gift discarded and then... for less than a minute, those smoldering eyes that was filled with what? That look confused me more, as what was said isn't there and oh goodness, how to no longer beseech and hence the cobwebs in my mind, entrapping my thoughts, going to my heart to hold it like in a spider's web. 

It's a pain game in a rather narcissistic manner and one that might be filled with regret. No longer trying to figure things out, leaving to say goodbye is my best bet. There is no hope in words that hurt repeatedly saying "nay" and as life is filled with enough aches, this day has been golden to get rid of the cobwebs. The long walk before the sun sets never fails to work to give me the stillness. The sadness still remains as to go is the choice given as what will hold me, what is there to hold on to? A momentary glimpse of what is there may should not be enough to go by, says my mind, disagreeing with my heart, and when that happens, I am not happy, so I follow my mind. 

Clearing the Cobwebs

Falling asleep, refreshed, considering the series of events to be that like the last boxing match watched, throwing in the towel for a settlement that is to be lost anyway. Limits. Rats. It still doesn't make sense though no need to lose sleep and pine away because I love my life without tears falling. Clearing the cobwebs that bind me to make good what I have done and not betray my heart and my mind that have agreed is difficult. 

To remember the look, it's just a look and there is nothing there as stated. I turn and see a man who want to breathe the scent of a woman then drift off to sleep, got followed to be checked on by another, inquisitive of all that I was doing, cajoling my way to establish more work, crossed over to be welcomed with warm smiles, to return to a back turned, then returned home. Life is best with acceptance. With a glass of cold cappuccino and the knowing that whatever fate has in store for me is going to happen, anyway, I shut down, refusing to be included in that jar of hearts of a broken collection, for my sake, though all is forgiven. 

New Coffee Shop In BF Homes: Barako Haus

Coffee? Free Wifi? In phase one BF Homes Paranaque, where do you go? There's no place that's near Ruins, right? For your information, there is.

Barako Haus is located right beside Pizza Hut, in front of Waki and Pancake House. A chill place, there's our favorite brew and free, strong wifi! I have had the ultimate pleasure to try the Sunflower frap which is in the middle of the picture, and I guarantee that you'll go nuts about the candy coated sunflower seeds integrated into a filling, whipped cream topped, delicious coffee-based beverage. The other flavors I also tried, and these are great as the richness of the coffee is distinctly there, and there is no holding back in the amount of thick whipped cream that you'll get.

Barako Haus is BF Homes has civet coffee that is sought after by many coffee lovers as it is non-acidic and has a rich, robust flavor. The coffee is presented like a tea bag and hot water will be poured in and after steeping for a few minutes, you've got your civet coffee.

There are Filipino delicacies available, for dine in and take out. The sandwiches are made from malunggay pan de sal and these are large and served hot from the oven. You'll love the unique taste of the tinapa pan de sal and that of our all-time favorite, adobo.

And, my favorite item that I have tried at Barako Hause is the gourmet peanuts which I can't get enough of, even if I have to limit my peanut intake! The spice is just right, not overpowering but enhancing and it has a blend of herbs with just the perfect touch of salt. It's perfect, especially with some FUNdador!

Barako Haus BF Homes is owned by my friends, Al and Menchie Serrano, and my daughter and I love this cool place as we can bring our laptop, go online on our cells, and chill the whole day until night as it closes at midnight, and it has Filipino brews. Take a few minutes to laugh by clicking play to watch the hilarious Filipino Coffee Tutorial of  Mikey Bustos! 

Promote and support our own Filipino brews, South peeps! 
Visit Barako Haus BF. 

A Red String

We may tend to put the blame on other matters that influence us to make a decision but ultimately, it rests upon us. So many people walk around tragically saying that they can't make the changes yet it truth, they can but won't. 

Could have, would have, should have

These 3 phrases are like the worst to say. I think back sometimes and reflect but I know that I can't turn back the hands of time as what has been done, is done. We do have time and it's kind of scary to know that there are realities that makes time even longer. 

Tesseract 

Once, a long while back, I felt like I was in a tesseract which is a warp in time. It started by my doing something that I didn't plan and from that point in time until it was over then I proceed to go forward along the path that I knew was mine.

Was I forced to make a decision? Yes. 

Was my decision correct? Yes, it seemed right, all factors said so. 

Was I happy? In the warp, yes. 

Did it change my life drastically? Yes. 

Did I lose anything because of my decision? Yes. 

Reincarnation 

My head hurts from the sweltering heat that makes standing still an effort. My heart has stopped. My mind has taken over and I read and study, seeking the answer I already know, that my soul knows, I cannot be free of the knowing. And you know what the scariest part is? Unfinished business doesn't get another lifetime to cycle, it's happening now and I don't have to die for the things to repeat, for another chance. 

Does this sound too vague? Is it too coincidental for the same scene to happen twice? That the same kind of longing and yearning will be there? That even the same kind of wall will be placed? Not a deja vu, as I had those before but a repeat of the essence and though the circumstances has changed, making it now possible for me to make a decision. 

The scene. Rinse. repeat. 

We laughed the night away. I saw the twinkle in his eyes, how he stare at me when he thought I wasn't looking. It was beyond the stage of sitting in front of  each other at the table, talking the time away. I fell into his arms, we kissed, and he wiped my tears away, saying, "I can't."

During the first time, the sad thing was, I could not also but I did do what I could to be free. I had waited for him to be free and all those years, he cared for me and maybe he couldn't return because I was no longer free as I couldn't wait not knowing as things were unclear except for the knowing that I belong with him. Too awful for me, not once but twice  in a lifetime and it's the same soul that I see in the eyes. Yet, I think now after studying for days, if it is mine, it is mine until the end of time, right?  

Now comes the troubled part. You would think that all would be plain sailing yet other factors are involved. More than factors, people, dragging it down, tearing it apart, a grounded reality. To move, I made a break from the most obvious hindrance to my freedom but what I never expected is that another soul, the one that I had freed myself from, would come back.  It flusters me as it was like he was beckoned during a conversation about him and as I stared down thinking how he was dead, I never expected that he might appear again, My heart suddenly starts beating faster as I know that passion, I know that call, and my heart is being torn so I hold on to see things through because if it is really him that I left, he had vowed to haunt all the others.

Oh, why do these things happen to me? Argh! Is having my third eye open a flaw? Is being so esoteric once coming back now? Take a deep breath, focus, and know. 

I am still here. 

The same kind of battle is about to be fought again only this time, I am free to make my decision and it will be in accordance to what I do and do not do. And my decision is not to decide for now as many words have been left unspoken, many things are yet to happen, yet there is that red string of which to hold onto. 

I am ready. 

It's not a game, it's real life and I have this chance not to mess it up. I got ready by fixing what to wear, loading my gun - oops, nope, that was a joke! I am ready and the first thing is control. Yup, not to take control but to be in control. The next step is to wait for the events to happen, now that is a hassle because I am so impatient! I will listen and wait for the move, the acknowledgement, the confirmation to know which soul the red string of fate of my soul is attached to. 

Go with the flow. Destiny. Fate. 
That invisible cord, that the red thread that dictates.

The way we makes decisions in our lives vary. Some are based on logic, some are based on doing what is acceptable by society, some are based on what our heart says, and there is that which we have to make which is based on the red string of fate. 

Toxins and Brain Drain

How can one ever think clearly with all the noise around us? It's toxic - the hectic hustle and bustle of city life. Environmental toxins include the lousy air that we breath, the bad stuff in what we consume, the synthetic nature of our clothing, the things that we use to destroy the atmosphere - we are surrounded with what is unnatural.

The city life isn't for me, never has been, never will be. I love peace and quiet, long, leisurely days and nights with just the sound of the birds chirping to wake me up in the morning and the shrill of the crickets to lullaby me at night. As the sun sets after the heat of the day, I peel off my clothes to wear my favorite old white t-shirts and crash on my bed, as my dogs lie down too, enjoying the final moments of sunshine to welcome the heat of the day disappearing to take a nap. Silence, the golden silence, the beauty of routine, no jolts, no surprises, just a blissful ordinary day.

According to WebMD, negative ions creates positive vibes. Though many people believe that wearing a certain kind of bracelet can give the negative ions we need, it simply isn't true. How can the touch of a metal protect us from the toxic environment?

The city has no negative ions which isn't a positive thing. To quote WebMD, negative ions "are created in nature as air molecules break apart due to sunlight,radiation, and moving air and water. You may have experienced the power of negative ions when you last set foot on the beach or walked beneath a waterfall. While part of the euphoria is simply being around these wondrous settings and away from the normal pressures of home and work, the air circulating in the mountains and the beach is said to contain tens of thousands of negative ions -- Much more than the average home or office building, which contain dozens or hundreds, and many register a flat zero." A quick fix would be to take a shower as that would provide the water element to bring on the positive vibes. Yet, a better solution is to take the time to go to out of town and enjoy nature, a walk among the flowers, to breath fresh air and feel the wind. Refreshing, get away from the toxic life. 

Brain Drain

The noise level has been high outside my home. I seek balance by playing music to shut the noise of traffic out, the noise of a busy restaurant, the endless chatter of people, getting rid of the words of the holier than thou, as if they don't have clay feet, too, plunging into talk with endless advice when they won't listen to their doctor, have bottled up emotions, or have anger management issues, dictating on other people. 

As I take walks nearly daily, I think of the people in my life and think of mine, of course. The elements that muddle my mind is to see pain and I just feel sometimes the need to stand up, give the person a hug or a kiss in the cheek, to reach out and touch, a tap in the back, to make them feel appreciated, then I think of living in a more natural area to come home to my quiet life and go online to maybe get to touch someone's life again to make it better. Anti-noise pollution, no brain drain, work, laughter, good food, good company, these are the things that I enjoy. I turn my back on abuse and don't deal with it anymore, let the person be to live in their own misery as that adds to the toxic level in my life as happiness should just be so easy, instead of controlled by the factors such as society who really doesn't give a squat, just there to view, instead of chilling and loving life. 

Sharing a Smile

Earlier tonight, as I do every nearly night for the past few months, I carry Nala, a Shih tzu-Jack Russell terrier, who is as sweet as can be. I stand up in the yard as I hold her in my arms, and she keeps on kissing my neck, cheeks, and even my hands as these hold her. For a long while as I stand up and swing her gently as she is cradled and we spend the time looking at the moon and stars, feeling the night air. Nala loves tummy rubs as you will see in this picture and turns around each time anyone comes near her, trying to be as cute. 

And then there is Bailey, my toy poodle. When I took Nala home, this new pet was into tearing paper and much to my surprise, my well-behaved Bailey did the same as she tore up tissue paper! 

Not guilty, Your Honor!

Did they make you smile? Drinking lots of water, eating healthy, indulging in a few sweet treats, taking long walks, listening to music, caring for my pets, and keeping company with people who care for me and show it are some of the ways that I detox daily. 

When was the last time you took a walk? 

Gave someone a hug?
Take a step to make someone's life happier by being there 100 percent?
Stopped controlling to go with the flow? 

Life is what we make it, toxin-free.

Fluttering In The Wind

Time is of the essence or is it? We may wish for things today and then not think of tomorrow. But, if we know and are secure - then there is always tomorrow. 

Silly thoughts flint through my mind sometimes - which does not include not waking up though! Today I smile and get ready for bed, dreading the fact that I might again wake up before 4 am because of the heat - but take it in stride as life isn't a bed of roses without thorns. 

Don't trust, don't believe

I had a meeting earlier today and it went well. It lasted for a few hours and then it was time to pack up and see my daughter. I entered the meeting with massive apprehension as I could here the warning of my father about the person I was dealing with. Don't trust, don't believe. And this is what I did. Mid-meeting, I looked for the foot of the guy beside me and kicked his shoe, telling him to behave.  I don't care how much money you dangle in front of me as I am here for work, to make money, and they make money along the way. So it all went well and I saw my daughter, hanged out for a while at the bar that she runs and since the guys I met with accompanied us there, I made my statement in front of my kids and the guy that I kicked, placing my foot down and making things clear.  

Know who to trust

People have some sort of ulterior motive, some more obvious than the others. I have been some reading at PsychologyToday.com so I can learn more about myself  and others, and I have learned a lot. A sad thing that I learned is that to control the lack of attention problem which is in Filipino "KSP" kulang sa pansin, may be done by the person yet it occurs because of neglect and it's something that can be controlled. I should read more about other factors that makes me react the way I do yet I do know who to trust. For me, trusting a person means getting to know them with different situations and then the trust grows. Of course, there will always be differences yet the basic trust is there. 

Fluttering in the wind 

As a woman who has been around though that doesn't sound that good, I know when the direction is changing from what was intentionally planned which is work. The thing is, I have been around long enough to make it work in my favor and there'll be no such dealings as it's best to be straight - work is work and I will kick and dump any deal that isn't that way. 

Seeming like a butterfly that looks pretty and alluring, when it comes to making money that's all that I think of. Though I wear a skirt and it flutters in the wind, the sight might be enticing, and if the ones that I am talking to just look at my skirt, it's not going to work. 

Today and many tomorrows

Soon, I will compute to see how much money is needed to make the deal push through to my satisfaction, create a solid contract and maybe next week the deal will push through, if the person has enough money and back up to complete the project that I will present and before I give any details, the money for me to move has to be there. In the meantime, I do not leave empty-handed as my time is money, indeed. 

And, I was happy today to see that the effort was made by a friend to be with me. No talking, not much said but that's okay because I'll be there tomorrow and for many tomorrows as often as I can, seeing things through and there isn't any need to talk much anyway. 

Too many questions

I have been getting a lot of questions lately. Some are prying, out of curiosity, of real interest, and then gathering knowledge about me. The typical conversational questions don't bother me but I don't know why I get questions like "What kind of a man are you looking for?" makes me want to grab the person by the collar.

Fluttering in the wind like a beautiful butterfly brings more attention than I am used to. And, as my skirt flutters, there's more to me than what meets the eye. 

The Last Day of Our Life

Know what is important or time wasting - and then do what you need to and what you want to do. The more you do, the more you love is like taking care of a baby who can't do anything. Yet, as that baby grows up, it can be a spoiled child and the demands on your time and effort is too much.

When my Dad was ill, we had to take care of him for years. He wasn't demanding except in the late stages of his life. Dad was hesitant to ask for anything as a rule.

"Iha, what are you cooking? I smell nilaga."

"The meat is not soft yet, Dad."

Dad never opened the refrigerator, poured out his own drink unless while he was at the table, he was always served like my youngest brother when he was studying medicine. The house rule was that Dad's efforts are to be saved to make money and with my brother, his hands are meant to save lives so he can't wash plates.

Now that Dad is gone, I have more time on my hands and I do what I want - and I miss my Dad and his jokes like when my daughter, Sarah, showed him her ID picture and he said that now we have one to use for missing persons because Sarah is often out. Just a couple of years ago, when I would be out, I would get a "WRU" text from Dad. The rule was to reply, fast, because if he waits, he will call!

Dad was never a spoiled brat but we spoiled him especially in the last years of his life because he gave us everything and would only go out to work, do things to make money and then spend time with the family. His happiest times were when we are together and there was Goldilocks mocha cake which he wanted to be the cake even if it isn't his birthday.

Saying No to Save Myself

There comes a point in time when I no longer see the need for me to do things for a lot of people. I say "no" in the best possible manner as I do have a life, things I want to do, things that I love to do. Training others to make do without me is good for them as it is good for me. Taking care of my Dad until he died was, for me and my daughters, not an obligation but what we wanted to do.

I was a spoiled brat for a long time. One of the reasons why is that I was rewarded for bad behavior? My kids don't get any leash from me when they are doing wrong as I don't want them to be lazy. I do understand that not all of them will perform in the same manner and that they have their flaws - point it out and don't nag, as I am tired of talking and hearing myself say the same thing over and over.

Saying "no" to save myself the trouble gives me time and think, if I give an extra one minute to all of those who want me to do something for them, I will never have time to do anything.

Time Worth Giving

Life is too short. We take up a lot of time sleeping, eating, grooming, taking care of our duties, and then when all is said and done, we do want to be appreciated which doesn't always happen. Not everyone wants the same thing as we do and so we must separate ourselves from the unnecessary and hurtful so we do have a beautiful, simple life. We must live today like it was the last day of our lives. Take a moment to think how and with whom you want to spend the last day of your life.

To love someone means to do more, yes, as we can nurture things, and as fate would have it, to do more sometimes isn't possible yet time is still worth giving just in case it could be possible - if not, it is time to let go or to decide to stay on - as every single decision that we make now will pave the way for our happiness, in all that we do, all that we are as it's our time in a world that we can create. Sadness isn't there when we live and love, today. Sure, there is that pain that we can inflict on others when we turn them away like what I did yesterday by saying to an old flame that I can't see or speak with you anymore because I am seeing someone but then these things have to be done as I am not taking any chances in losing what makes me happy as before we can love someone fully, we have to love ourselves.

Live today like it was the last day of your life because this moment, right now, is your life.



Related posts:

Life is Not Measured by Days But by Special Moments that Take Our Breath Away
To Do More Is What Is Asked For

Vigan Longganisa: Proper Cooking Method

The longganisa of Vigan, Ilocos Sur has a distinct, strong, meaty flavor. My late husband, Rene Quema was from Vigan, and whenever I go there Vigan longganisa will be served for breakfast upon request, making it a meal to yearn for. My stock is now depleted after this blog post and I would have to make Partas the next batch! 

Quema House Photo credits: Wikipedia

To cook Vigan longganisa, one has to boil in water, half-way covered is enough. After a few minutes of boiling, you'll see that it plumps up, so get a fork to pierce it to let the juices ooze out. Boil the liquid down until it becomes oil. Continue cooking and turning the longganisa in the reddish oil until has an even red-brown color. 

Remove from pan and plate. Serve with chopped tomatoes and onions (ideally the small red ones) and with Vigan suka as dipping sauce. 

The oil in the pan extracted from the Vigan longganisa may be used to make fried rice and to make it taste better, add salt to taste during the cooking process. I added powder achuete to the oil before frying the rice so that the finish product has a vibrant color. This oil may also be used to cook sunny side up eggs to match this authentic Vigan meal using this method on how to cook perfect eggs. 

When cooking Vigan longganisa using the proper method and serving it with the right side dish and dip, it guarantees that the dish will be authentically delicious and that every bite a sheer delight. 

Virtual Friends Are Real

The key to enjoying life online is to keep in mind that all virtual friends and followers are real. 

When I first used Facebook, it was to keep in touch with family and friends and to play games! Twitter was a must though I really didn't know what to do, I got an account. After creating a Tumblr, my youngest daughter said I was too old for it so that account is dust-covered. Pinterest was made for work, Google Plus for work, Bubblews and other writing sites for work, and lately while developing my Instagram account, discovered the key to reach a larger targeted audience. 

I joined and won a contest at Twitter so the contest bug bit me hard. Going on Facebook, there was a sharing video contest so I needed to gain more friends to win and I went for it with the help of my other contest joining friends. I constantly expand my network, having nearly 5,000 friend on Facebook, over 3,000 followers on Twitter making me "Twitter Famous", and gaining a large responsive, targeted audience online with other networking sites. I appreciate all that add and follow me as they are real people. 

Real People

I go online basically to work and along the way, as I develop my social media accounts, I gained real friends who I laugh and cry with. All people online are real, some lie more than other using the veil of the internet, some are bad, some are lonely so they look for love online. I have no such luck in finding love online as it isn't for me to go into an unknown long-distance relationship but I do find friends. 

People are real and that fact keeps me going. Yesterday, I followed back on Twitter over 40 people, worrying that my clicking follow so fast would result in being blocked for a while and the good thing was that my new followers were targeted according to the hashtags that I tweet about often. On Facebook, I have a lot of pending accepts but I still have to delete other friends so I can't add too much more as I am hesitant to delete as I do know that many are there - and a touch online can be felt instantly anywhere the person is in the world. 

Going offline into the real world which I don't do very often, I see many lonely people. I am not lonely though I am usually alone as there is my online world. Like yesterday, I saw a woman who complimented my dog and she sat beside me. I saw in her eyes that she was rather sad and so I chatted with her for a minute but then I had to leave. I hope to see her again and maybe we can become friends and though I know many people, gaining new friends is great. 

Online Marketing 

During a discussion yesterday, I was emphasizing the need to develop a targeted audience for online marketing. As not everyone has all the social networks and even Linkedin, FourSquare, and other such networking sites, one has to be present and active to make the most of these resources for marketing. 

Constant Change

It's good to keep in mind that the online world is constantly changing and what is in today might not be trending tomorrow. Note that the last conversation that I had with my 7 year old nephew proves it. I had asked why he no longer tags me on Facebook and he said. "I hardly use Facebook as I don't play the games anymore so subscribe to my YouTube account!" 

Online and offline, there is constant change. 

People are real and we must treat them as such.