We all have our limits n should forgive ourselves for having limitations. We all have our priorities and then again, I think of Bantay, the local dog that decided to die in front my home this morning. The dog of my kapitbahay Bantay, local breed, was on my doorstep last night, he had a hacking cough. This morning, I went out n gave him food. He stood up and walked towards it but didn't eat. I told the neighbor to get the dog coz he was not well. I went out to do errands. When I came back, he was lying in front of the house. "Bantay!" I said. He raised his head, looked at me, his head fell to the side with a slam, he straightened his legs. He is not the first local dog that has seeked shelter in my home, nor will he be the last, to include the cats that have a heyday in the empty back room. I could not have done more as I never held that dog and told the owner to get their sick dog. Yet, the memory of his looking at me, before he died, makes me cry. He was loyal to me and waited for me to go home, sometimes standing in the grass a block away, and running back when I am on the way home.
Tears flow, like that time... a long-haired hamster that I took care of until four am, who stared at me and I though he was ok, then when I woke up, he was gone. Chowder, you broke my heart.
Then, my Dad, as he stared at me and Mom and Sarah, before he closed his eyes, though he made it to the hospital, we were the last ones he saw, aside from those that were in the room. But, with Dad, we have no regrets at all, as we gave him our all.
We all have our limitations, and sometimes look back to think, could I have done more? Bantay was not my responsibility, the days I dont give him food, he is fed by the neighbor as he would not have lived for years, through all the storms. The trike driver said he looked like he got poisoned and maybe, it was a frog again, that led to his demise.
In all things, we should forgive ourselves. I am just sad as the dog loved me more than his owner and I could do nothing more for him.
